


Easier For You to See

by Constantine_You_Owe_Me



Category: Saints Row
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Bang already!!, M/M, Other, Slow Burn, The kind of fic where you want to smoosh their faces together and say 'now kiss', angsty, somewhat slow burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-22
Updated: 2017-10-08
Packaged: 2018-05-08 11:01:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 25,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5494775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Constantine_You_Owe_Me/pseuds/Constantine_You_Owe_Me
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Saints boss, Calder, has gone temporarily blind. It'll take a few weeks for him to get his sight back and the Saints aren't going to wait around for him, he's left to his own devices and a unlikely person becomes his eyes. Calder/MattMiller. Fluff and more angst than you can shake a stick at!! More chapters to come.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Find Your Way

**Author's Note:**

> So I posted this over on fanfiction.net and it was well received so I thought 'Hey! Why not see how it goes on AO3?!' 
> 
> Please enjoy, feedback is appreciated.

Chapter One Find Your Way

“Doc’s said you’d get your sight back after a few weeks.” Shaundi said as she flopped down on to the sofa, Calder could hear the amusement in her voice. He fumbled around in his pockets for this sunglasses, he slid them on his face after poking himself in the eyes several times. 

“Yeh well until my sight comes back I am not leaving this fuckin’ place.” Calder moaned as he sat back on the sofa, he could only imagine what the Saints would be like while he was out of action. HQ was quiet, most of the guys had moved to different places leaving their boss to recuperate in peace. 

“You are gunna get real bored round here, boss.” Calder frowned at Shaundi’s words just as he was about to ask he heard the click of heels and a door creak open before slamming shut. 

“Shaundi? Shaundi?!” He called out to her a few times before he realised his Saints had left him to fend for himself. 

“Those motherfuckers. I can’t believe those jack-asses left me to fuckin’ sit here alone BLIND!” He got up from his seat and slowly took a tentative step forward, his shin connected with the coffee table and he let out a string of loud curses as he rubbed the spot where the wood had hit bone. 

Too angry to think rationally he hoofed the coffee table across the room, it made a satisfying crashing noise from somewhere across from him, he smiled and took a step forward and promptly tripped over the box Pierce kept chess set in. 

Someone chuckled darkly from behind him. 

“When I heard you were blind I really didn’t believe it. I just had to come see for myself.” The accent gave the, uninvited, guest away immediately. He couldn’t find the words to explain how fucked he felt right there and then. 

“Miller?” Calder spat as he slowly forced himself up; he didn’t realised how unbalanced his body would be without his sight. Once on his feet he turned to the direction he thought the voice was coming from only to hear another amused laugh. 

“I’m behind you.” His British accent peppered with mild laughter again, Calder blushed he was helpless and his fucking Saints had left him defenceless! Well, when they found him dead they would surely be sorry. No good fucking- 

He stopped his thoughts mid flow and turned slowly as not to lose his balance again. He was confused, not sure where he was now, he moved his foot slowly in front of him and felt nothing but the floor, he moved forward a step.

“I’m not armed.” Matt said quietly, Calder thought this odd. 

“I did after all, only come to see if you were truly blind, interesting. How does it feel to be in the dark so suddenly?” He moved and Calder instantly went on guard, his hands clenched. He may not be able to see but if he swung his arms around he would get lucky and punch the scrawny little bastard eventually. 

“Urgh Jesus shut your whiny little mouth and attack me already.” The gang boss snapped his fists still clenched awaiting the first blow. He heard Matt let out an uneasy sigh before he spoke. 

“I’m not going to hit you. You’ve seen me right? I’m not exactly built for fighting at all. I’m a cyber Goth. I hack computers and play video games.” The hint of bitterness revealed to Calder that he had perhaps hit a sore spot.

“Ok so now you know I’m blind you gunna run off to your master and be a good little bitch and tell him all about it?” There was a moment of silence and Calder really wished so damn hard that he could see Matt’s reaction to his words, they probably stung. He, of course, meant Killbane when he said master and he was sure that Matt was not pleased with being called a bitch. 

The Decker’s boss huffed lightly and scowled until he realised the Saints boss couldn’t see his reaction, the smile on Calder’s face made his blood boil, or race, he wasn’t sure. 

“I’m not his little bitch.” Matt finally replied a little weakly, he bit his lip and turned quickly to hide his frustration, he blushed scarlet when he realised once again that Calder was now blind, he turned back to the Saints boss. 

“I’m going, I do not have to explain myself to you.” His words didn’t have much of an impact and only made the red head before grin and relax his fists. He lifted his hands as if to surrender. 

“Sure, sure course not. Hey, before you go, can you help me find the bedroom? Might as well get some sleep.” The question hung in the air for a few seconds before Matt sighed as if inconvenienced by this. 

“Fine, just because I have this place bugged doesn’t mean I know where your stupid bedroom is, so give me a second.” 

“Not what I wanted to hear.” The red head muttered as he felt a gloved hand grab his and begin dragging towards the stairs, at first, Matt was just going to lead him off the roof but he knew Killbane would be angered greatly if Matt was the one to finish him off. 

“Ok, I think they are up these stairs.” Matt muttered as he guided Calder up the stairs, Calder snorted holding back his laughter. 

“I really thought you would guide me off the roof.” He admitted sounding too relieved, he really did not want to consider Matt Miller a nice guy, but right now he was nicer than his Saints. 

“It’s no fun to kick a man when he’s down. I’m sure Killbane will wait until you have your sight back. That is if it returns.” The Decker’s boss replied easily as they slowly took on the stairs. “I would upgrade your security systems just in case, seeing as there is not one single gang member here to protect you.” Matt reminded Calder of his lack of support. 

He couldn’t get over how easily they had left him he was blind God dammit! 

He let out a growl of frustration out and Matt let go of his hand. His loss of connection to the world, his eyes had gone and he reached out again to Matt who let out a surprised yell as they both crashed down on to the landing floor. 

“Jesus fucking Christ, what the fuck Miller?” Calder got up and roughly pulled Matt up too. 

“You tripped over me! It’s not my fault you great oaf!” Matt hissed as he rubbed the sore spot where he landed on his elbow. He winced as he bent his arm; he was far to thin and weedy to be hitting the floor like that. 

“Whatever, are we near my bed, I’m so fucking tired right now that if I don’t get there soon I’ll sleep right here on the floor.” Calder whined as he reached out for Matt who had every intention in leaving him there.  
“I have to go.” The Brit stumbled over his words and almost his feet as he dashed down the stairs, Calder closed his eyes and dropped his outstretched arm to his side. All he wanted was to get to his bed, he held both arms out in front of him hoping to find a door or a wall he could use to guide him to the closest bedroom. He didn’t even care if he ended up in a tiny fucking cleaning cupboard as long as it had a damned bed in it. 

After what seemed like hours, but was only twenty minutes, Calder found a room and a bed. Without even trying to undress he fell asleep not caring that he may be surrounded by Decker and Luchadores in the morning.


	2. Walk Before You Run

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Two gay nerds make more conversation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hit me up if you're enjoying this, ok?

Chapter Two- Walk Before You Run

 

Matt shuffled into Killbane’s office, the small space seemingly smaller with Killbane’s giant bulk of a body taking up most of the available space. 

“Well, you went to seek the truth, is the Butcher of Stilwater blind? Is he as defenceless as a child?” Killbane’s cold calculating eyes gazed out form behind the wrestling mask, they shone with a hunger for the howls of pain he so wished to inflict upon the Saints boss. 

“Yes, he is.” Matt replied plainly, clearly not one for words, he was young and scared, he’d gotten himself in too deep with the Syndicate and in all honesty he wanted out. The constant fear of dying at the hands of the man that controlled the Luchadores’ was just too much at times and he found himself having difficulty finding peace enough to sleep at night. Even the comforting hum of his ever-faithful computers that surrounded him was not enough to lull him into sleeps embrace these days. 

“He has limited balance and he isn’t really that much of a threat, even to me.” The Deckers’ boss added with a weak smile, his hands were wrung together as he stayed pinned to the spot by Killbane’s icy gaze. Eddie would intimidate anyone, he was a huge man, and he could crush a man’s skull in to a wall with one hand! 

“Good, good. Keep tabs on him, Matty. Let me know when he starts to regain his sight again, I want to be ready to launch a full scale attack on that bastard, I’m going to destroy him and his Saints once and for all.” With that he dismissed the Deckers boss with a wave of his hand clearly lost in thought as he muttered to himself. 

Matt darted from the office and down the stairs into the cold night rain; he sucked up a lung full of the icy Steelport air and exhaled slowly, Eddie would surely be the death of him. He climbed in to the back of his waiting car and gave instructions for them to take him to the closest available residence to the Saints HQ as possible. 

Calder felt extremely lucky when he awoke to a silent house the next day. 

Everything was calm and the red head found it much easier to guide himself down the stairs now that he didn’t fear for his life. If Miller kept his word he would not have to worry for at least four weeks max about Killbane coming for him. 

Shaundi dropped by a few hours after he’d got up, she asked him how he was and he made every effort to convince her he was fine, he was still angry with the guys for leaving him, he managed to convince her to leave. As soon as she had left he let out a low growl of frustration as his hands shook as he tried to regain the calm he had felt while he’d been alone. 

He was hungry and angry, not a great mix when he was looking for the kitchen, several pieces of furniture ended up across the room or broken, he assumed, while he tried to locate the kitchen. Once he found it, it was really a matter of trial and error with food. 

The fridge had a few instantly edible items like yoghurt and apples, the cupboards proved more fruitful, he found chocolate chip cookies and potato chips in one of them and cereal in another, which he ate dry because he had disoriented himself and he couldn’t find the energy to look for the fridge again. 

Once satisfied with what he had eaten, he ended up seating himself on the kitchen floor trying to plan out his next move. It wasn’t like he could do much for entertainment, no TV and no reading, not that he read much, books were for pussies. 

It had been a day, one fucking day, and he already felt screwed, he closed his eyes, not that it changed much, and forced himself to his feet again. If he didn’t do something now he would be tearing at the walls before much longer. He wished now that he hadn’t sent Shaundi away, in his anger he pushed her away when really he could have used some conversation to take his mind off his situation. 

His phone was still in his pocket but he had no idea what he was doing with it, it was a touch screen deal and after fumbling around on it for a bit he realised he had no idea what he was pressing, with a huff he tossed it aside, just as he realised what a huge fucking mistake that was he heard it hit the floor with a thud, he was sure the thing was now smashed and if it wasn’t he was damned lucky. 

“This is getting really old really fast.” With those words he slowly made his way around the room, he found a door and pushed it open, the cool wind blew in and ruffled his hair, he had found the door to outside, smiling he stepped out and felt the warm sun on his skin, maybe being alone like this wasn’t too bad, though he did need to change his clothes and have a bath. 

Once again he regretted his decision in chasing Shaundi off, she could have helped him out a little, maybe helped him find the bathroom or picked out some decent clothes. Nothing embarrassing, if he had asked her to do anything else he would have just got a slap in the face as her reply. Not something Calder ever enjoyed, Shaundi had a decent right hook that he had experienced far too many times for his liking. 

Outside he found a seat and sat enjoying the sounds of the city below, his eyes closed and his hands resting on the table in front of him, he relaxed and soon he found himself drifting off to sleep again, it wasn’t until someone shook his hard that he woke fully and almost fell from his seat. 

“You’ll be out here all day if you fall asleep again and it looks like it’s going to rain soon.” He recognised the British accent instantly and frowned. Although he couldn’t see him he could hear the light tone of disapproving in the Deckers boss’s voice. 

“Miller? ‘The fuck are you doing here?” Calder felt the tension return to his muscles as he clenched his fists again, he heard a low chuckle and growled in response to it. 

“I came to check up on you, Killbane’s orders of course.” 

“I forgot how caring and generous he is.” Calder bit back sarcastically, this earned a true laugh from Matt who looked out across the city, they were high up, and it would be easy to say that the Saints boss had fallen to his death accidentally. 

The lead weight in his stomach returned, he didn’t want to admit to himself that his heart nearly stopped when he had spied Calder stepping out onto the roof terrace. He didn’t want to think about how he was actually worried about his enemy getting hurt trying to fend for himself in the penthouse alone. 

“Well, you know Killbane won’t consider it a victory if his opponent is incapacitated.” The words slipped easily from his mouth, they felt like lies even though Matt knew they weren’t, he knew that was what Killbane’s thoughts were exactly, it’s just that they weren’t Matt’s, Matt had no desire to kill Calder, his desire to hurt and maim had dissipated quickly after the Morning Star were wiped out and run out of town. 

“That guy is a fucking psycho. When I get my sight back, bring it on.” His determination proved that even when faced with such an injury as being blind nothing would or could stop the Saints top dog. Matt reached out a gloved hand and brushed his finger tips over the back of Calder’s hand, instantly the red head turned his hand and wrapped his fingers around Matt’s. 

“It’s really fuckin’ something when you gotta rely on one of your enemies to be your eyes.” Calder half joked as he was led from the terrace back inside, Matt stayed silent, it was odd that he had suddenly decided to help the red head, there was no real reason for him to do so, but he was still young, maybe it wasn’t too late to learn some humanity, after all they were human, they had things in common, they both needed air to breathe and water to drink. 

It was personalities that got in the way. 

“Your place is a mess.” Matt found his voice; Calder only shrugged as he was led through the debris of several breakfast bar stools and the coffee table from yesterday. 

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed but I’m blind and I can’t see jack shit.” 

“All right, all right, mate. No need to be rude. I was going to offer to tidy this place up for you, maybe make it so you can get around without touching up the walls, but never mind.” Matt’s frosty reply made the red head wince, he hoped that he hadn’t seen his apologetic face; he didn’t want the scrawny little Goth to think he was being nice to him. He was using him to get around; sure, he didn’t like the greasy punk. 

“Hey, I’d uh appreciate that.” Calder muttered after a few minutes of an internal argument with himself. It couldn’t hurt to have a bit of help.


	3. Chapter Three Shoulder to Lean On

Chapter Three- Shoulder to Lean On

 

It was a few days before Matt returned and Calder knew it was he as soon as he walked in, the smell of leather and hairspray reached his nose before Miller could even utter a word. Calder let slip a knowing smile before reaching out. 

“Couldn’t stay away huh?” Calder joked; Matt frowned and pushed Calder’s hand down, before taking a seat next to him on the sofa. 

“How long did it take you to find your way round here since I moved everything?” Matt asked ignoring Calder’s humour in favour of a more sensible question. Calder shrugged; he hadn’t any sense of time anymore. He couldn’t check the time. It hadn’t taken long, not that he wanted to admit to Matt that it had been a good idea to move things round so it was easier for him to locate certain rooms. 

“Not long I guess.” 

“Good, I see you didn’t bother trying to master putting things in the bin.” Matt spoke with slight disappointment in his voice before playfully shoving Calder who only snorted as he held back his laughter. The Saints boss wasn’t going to lie, it was nice to have company, someone who didn’t want him to get up and run around the city while people took shots at him from damned helicopters, it was nice that Matt was making things easier for him. Though the dark thought that it was all in vain seeing as Killbane was going to try and kill him as soon as he could see again, he wasn’t going to be prepared, his hands had already forgotten how it felt to hold a gun and that terrified him. What was happening? 

“You look worried. I suppose you would forget how to school your expression if you can’t see anyone else’s.” Calder’s face contorted with rage before he stood up and began to pace, although he was angry, Matt could help but he pleased that he had found the floor plan so easy to navigate. 

“I think you should leave.” Calder snapped suddenly, he wished he could see Miller’s expression did he look hurt? Was he angry? 

“What, why?” Matt spluttered Calder heard him get to his feet and take a few steps towards him. Both men stood in silence for a few minutes both surprised at Matt’s reaction, why was he shocked to hear Calder telling him to leave? 

“We’re enemies you little fucking punk. Get the Hell out!” Calder yelled again he regretted his words almost instantly. Matt was an enemy of the Saints, he was dangerous to be around, and he was probably reporting back to Killbane everyday, working out his weaknesses and informing the pro wrestler. He felt sick, why didn’t believe that? Why did he think that Matt wasn’t like that? 

Matt felt wounded, like a great sword slashed him open and let his insides spill out. He shook as he held back from saying anything to a now furious Calder. He should have known he should known all a long that they could never be friends. Maybe it was his childish mind that had somehow convinced him that Calder would be different, that maybe he understood doing good things was ok and that you don’t always have to return the favour but it would be nice if that happened once in awhile. 

“I don’t want to go.” 

“What?” Calder’s eyes widen, had he heard right? 

A gloved hand took his and suddenly he felt Matt’s body press against his, in a panic the Saints boss pulled away, what the fuck was happening? 

He took a few steps back feeling around for a door or a wall but all he found was nothing, where was he stood? He couldn’t remember where he was in the room. He took a deep breath and listened for any sound that gave Matt away, he wasn’t as close as he thought he relaxed and shook his head his shoulders slumped. 

“You’re just a kid, you don’t know what you want! That’s how you ended up doing fucking cyber warfare as a worthless lackey for Killbane!” Calder shoved his hands in his pockets he was still confused as to where in the penthouse he was he turned and took a few steps he found a door frame and pulled the door open and stepped into what he thought was a room, it wasn’t he was on the terrace again. 

Matt followed him out. He heard hesitant footsteps behind him, Calder turned quickly to tell the teen to leave but instead all that came out was a strangled yell as he tripped over a chair and fell crashing into the pool. It was deeper than he remembered and he wasn’t sure which way was up, finally he broke the surface and gasped for breath, he heard Matt asking him if he was ok, Calder only frowned and swam cautiously around until he found a wall. 

“Do you need help getting out?” The Deckers boss asked timidly.

“I’m fucking blind not retarded! I can climb out of a fucking pool, you moron.” Matt muttered something about him not having to be so rude but the red head ignored it. He was cold and wet and pissed off. It would be really helpful if he could see too. 

He sat on the edge of the pool for a few minutes trying to calm down, he wasn’t used to being so embarrassed in front of others and not being able to shoot them in the head. Matt sat next to him.

“Can I please stay here a little longer?” He asked with a child like whine, Calder grit his teeth and shook his head.

“You gotta go kid.” He heard Matt sigh, it sounded like he was giving up. Random emotions swirled uncomfortably in Calder’s chest he felt Matt’s gloved hand on his again. 

“I don’t know what you want or how you feel but whatever it is, I wouldn’t waste your time on me. Stick with a Saint and you end up riddled with bullets.” Calder’s deep voice trembled a little as the cold wind picked up, his clothes were still soaking wet and he began to shiver, he was freezing. 

“I can take care of myself. Why shouldn’t I waste my time on you? What else have I got? When Killbane realises I’m not going to report in on you he’ll hunt me down and crush my skull in to dust.” Calder’s eyes widen with disbelief. 

“You haven’t been telling Killbane about me?” His mind reeled, then why had Matt been coming here so much? Was there a reason behind him helping him out? His hands fumbled with is pockets and he pulled out a box of cigarettes he pulled one out and tapped his finger at one end to test which was which before putting it to his lips and lighting the other end. 

“I told him you were blind but that was merely confirming the rumour really. I haven’t seen him in, perhaps, four days… It’s not like he has asked me to report in.” Matt supplied easily he had taken his boots off and was kicking at the water his foot brushed Calder’s and the Saint shuddered. He flicked the cigarette into the pool and tried his best to turn and look at Matt. 

“You know you’re not safe here, so why do you keep coming back?” 

“Not safe? I know none of your Saints have been checking in on you save Shaundi and that was only one day. No one comes to see you, I told you I have that place bugged I would know if there was more than one person in there. You’re nice to me, even if you do call me scrawny and greasy and punk, I’m not punk I’m a cyber Goth.” Matt moaned clearly missing the point. Calder smiled and when Matt moved closer to him he didn’t freak out. 

“You should get in side or you’ll freeze to death.” Matt was so close Calder could feel his breath on his face his insides squirmed at this information. He managed to nod and slowly felt his way to his feet he felt Matt’s hand again leading him up the few steps and towards the door, a familiar voice greeted him as he stepped inside. 

“What the FUCK is he doing to the boss?” The was definitely Pierce’s voice, Matt’s hand was jerk out of his as heels clicked furiously over the wood flooring towards them, Shaundi must have grabbed Miller and pulled him away. 

“Guys, guys it’s ok.” Calder tried to speak but with Shaundi threatening Matt and Pierce going nuts at the other side of the room his voice fell upon deaf ears. Calder shut his eyes and ran a hand through his hair, his agitation peaked and he let out a frustrated growl before searching for Matt, he stumbled into Shaundi who pushed him off her. 

“You know boss shootin’ this guy in the head would be easier if you just stopped movin’!” Shaundi complained as Calder moved forward blindly trying to grab the irate woman’s gun, if she shot Matt… a cold shiver ran down Calder’s spine, he didn’t like the idea of Matt not being around, which was strange as the week before he had daydreamed of putting a bullet in the kid’s head himself. 

“Shaundi for fucks sake. I don’t want you to shoot him.” The room falls deadly silent, save for Matt’s terrified whimpers, which were barely audible, but Calder still heard them. He could smell the expensive perfume Shaundi was wearing as she grabbed the front of his t-shirt.

“You better give me some fucking answers, boss.” She spat the last word out like she didn’t mean it, which would make sense even more once he had explained to her about Matt. 

“Let go of my fucking t shirt before I pull your damn weave out.” That caught her attention she let go instantly and clicked off across the room, she didn’t have hair extensions but he knew hated it when people assumed she did. 

“You know Shaundi I don’t like the way you’re talkin’ to me. One week I’m gone and you assume the position of top dog. That’s not how it’s gunna happen, but you know what is gunna happen? You’re gunna put that fuckin’ gun down and you’re gunna listen to what I say. Right?” Calder held out a hand and slowly he heard Matt take the few steps towards him and take his hand with a gloved one. 

“I’m not fucking holding his hand because I’m being a fucking girl. He’s helped me around since day one. I appreciate that, ok.” Pierce coughed and cleared his throat.

“Nah, boss, that’s cool. Doesn’t explain why you’re soakin’ wet.” Calder touched his still wet t-shirt and grinned. 

“Oh yeh, fell in the pool.” 

“Why are you smilin’ so much? You in love with him or something?” Shaundi raised the question quietly but there was a slight sound of utter amusement in her voice. Why were they being suddenly really cooperative? Was that cause for worry?

Calder’s mouth went dry, what kind of question was that? 

Was he?


	4. Hanging On

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still updating this, expect 2 or 3 chapters in the next hour aha!

Chapter Four- Hanging On

 

“Why are you smilin’ so much? You in love with him or something?”

 

Pierce and Shaundi snorted with laughter as Calder stuttered out an unintelligible reply, he felt Matt shuffle beside him. Both his Saints were clearly enjoying watching their boss squirm, nothing unusual there; Calder was a lovely shade of pink now, he still had no reply for Shaundi who was now silent but probably smiling smugly to herself. 

“Boss, you’re the one I keep walking in on while you’re reading Jayne Eyre.” Pierce quipped, he sounded like he was a the other side of the room, which was probably for the best seeing as Calder now wished to strangle the living breath out of him. Shaundi started laughing again. 

“Reading doesn’t make you gay, jack ass.” The red head argued, but to no avail, Shaundi must have been holding her sides she was now laughing so hard. 

“You are killin’ me!” She managed to choke out while she howled with laughter, finally she managed to stop, and she turned to Matt with a serious look on her face before looking to Calder who, obviously, had no idea about her expression. 

“If you’re gay then whatever, fuck who you want.” 

“Shaundi, fucking hell, I didn’t say I was gay, you assumed that one on your own.” His comment was ignored. 

“We’ll leave you two, uh, lovebirds alone. Matt probably wants to help you outta those wet clothes.” Shaundi tossed a wink at Matt who was crimson, Calder heard heels clicking off across the floor while Pierce whistled happily as they both headed for the elevator. 

Once he knew they had gone Calder let out a long sigh of relief. He smiled hoping Matt could see it. 

“I think I’m gunna take a bath.” Calder mumbled putting a hand out to regain some kind of idea of where he was, with all the sudden movement not ten minutes ago he had truly confused himself. He felt Matt’s hand and he was tugged into motion.

“I could have found my own way to the bathroom.” The red head grinned, Matt didn’t reply, he wondered what was wrong with the Brit; he usually had some kind of sarcastic reply or even just a good-natured comment. He was silent and it made Calder’s teasing seem boring without a reply. 

They took the stairs slowly, as usual, Calder grew frustrated every time he miscalculated a step and tripped, luckily Matt was there to rebalance him, with a growl Calder snatched his hand back stopped still were he stood on the stairs. 

“What are you doing? We’re nearly at the top.” The Deckers boss asks, his voice laced with confusion and just a little bit of weariness, he was obviously tired, Calder wondered how many hours he slept at night these days. 

“What is wrong with you?” Calder spat; he didn’t really understand why he was so angry he just knew he didn’t like it when Matt wasn’t himself. He didn’t like not knowing what the kid was thinking. Before Matt could reply his phone beeped it was a message from Killbane. 

Report in as soon as possible. 

“That was Killbane, he wants a report.” Matt took Calder’s hand and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where the on suite bathroom was. 

“Are you going to go to him?” Calder asks slowly as he tried to work out which tap was which, Matt shoved him aside to switch the hot tap on. Calder’s temper flared but it peaked quickly and died out as quickly as it had started, Matt was scared. He didn’t like Matt being scared; he hated Matt feeling anything bad. Unless it was jealousy, that would be hot. 

He gasped when he realised what he had been thinking. His face flushed pink, he tried to push the thoughts from his head but it was just too irresistible imagining Matt with a cute little frown on his face as he hacked in to that persons bank account and made them broke or hacked in to the city police files and pushed their name to the top of the most wanted list. 

He was rudely ripped from his thoughts when he felt Matt begin unbuttoning his shirt; Calder cleared his throat and gently pushed Matt’s hands off him.   
“I can undress.” Calder whispered his voice shook from being so low. 

“I know but you were just stood there like a dolt.” Matt replied, he seemed back to his normal self again, or was it the front he put up to hide his fear, was he going to go and tell Killbane everything? How he was unprotected and vulnerable and pathetic? 

“You’re still just standing there, not undressing.” Matt pointed out he heard Matt wander off before returning sans boots, Calder at a loss for words began to unbutton his shirt. Matt wandered around the giant bathroom picking things up and dropping things that sounded suspiciously likes items of clothing. 

“Matt, what are you doing?” The footsteps stopped, Calder carried on undressing. 

“I’m getting in with you. It’s not like you can see me and well, a relaxing bath might help me sleep better.” It was a simple and innocent answer but Calder didn’t hear it that way, he heard something only a guy like himself could hear. In his mind it translated to ‘I want you to feel uncomfortable in your own house with a hot teenage boy.’ 

“Oh right. Sure.” Calder kicked off his jeans not worried about Matt’s reaction he pulled off his boxers and climbed in to the bath. The hot water felt great he leaned back and finally began to relax, he heard Matt climb in at the other side and sit down. 

The bath was huge but not big enough and Calder’s foot skimmed past Matt’s thigh, which caused the youth to jump a little. Calder laughed and pulled his foot back. 

“Sorry can’t see a thing.” He joked, he heard Matt laugh lightly. 

“I don’t want to see Killbane, I don’t want to tell him anything.” Matt confessed sadly, he shuffled forward rested a bare hand on Calder’s knee. His hands were surprisingly soft; Calder pulled himself up to sit better. 

“You don’t have to tell him anything. For your own safety I think you should.” Calder stated seriously he took Matt’s hand that was still on his knee and used it to pull the young man to him. He leaned in finding the Brit’s lips easily. The kiss was quick but the feeling it left Calder with both warmed his heart and left a spike of ice in the pit of his stomach. 

“Let’s make this the last night you come here, ok?” The youth didn’t reply instead he got to his knees and crawled up between Calder’s legs and rested his head on the red head’s shoulder. He kissed the soft skin of Calder’s neck gently.

“Ok, I won’t come back after this.” Calder was pleased to hear that the fragile young man did not wish to argue, it made it easier to leave on a bittersweet note than an angry one. 

“You know kid, you shouldn’t be wrapped up in this mess.” Calder stroked the Brit’s hair while one hand slid down Matt’s back feeling the tight muscles relax as he did so. 

“No, no. Don’t start calling me kid, please.” Matt begged he sounded desperate, Calder’s eyes widen as one of the teen’s hands finds its way to his inner thigh. He sat up and held the teen at arms length. 

“Don’t do this, Matt. Don’t do something you’ll regret.” Calder’s tone was stern; he wanted the youth to know that people didn’t have to do those things if they didn’t want too. Matt wriggled from his grip and climbed out of the bath. 

“I should go then.” He said sounding muffled, he must have had the towel to his face, was he upset? Calder climbed out of the bath and fumbled around for a towel, once he found once and wrapped it round his waist he slowly made his way out of the bathroom to the bedroom where Matt was getting dressed. 

“Hey, where are you going?” 

“I just told you, I’m going home.” Matt huffed he sounded wounded Calder had obviously upset him. The red head sighed heavily; the kid was a total pain in the ass sometimes. 

“Don’t go. I don’t want you to go.” He tried to hide the agitation in his voice, it didn’t work and Matt got to his feet, he must have been fully dressed because he was storming down the stairs and towards the elevator without another word to Calder. 

He heard the elevators doors slide open and then close again, he was alone. Still dripping wet Calder found his way to the bed and sat on the edge. 

Well, he’d royally fucked that up. 

No doubt the next time they saw each other they would be enemies again. 

Calder didn’t like the sound of that at all. He lay back on the bed and closed his eyes. He soon drifted off. 

He woke up freezing, he only wish he knew what time is was. Forgetting about time he got dressed and headed downstairs, the floor plan was the same and he once again found it easy to find his way round again. He flopped down on the sofa; it wasn’t until his thoughts turned to Matt that he realised that the Brit wouldn’t be dropping in anymore. 

Now thoroughly depressed he lay on the sofa and closed his eyes. 

It was going to get very quiet in HQ.


	5. You Be My Omega

Chapter Five- You Will Be My Omega

 

“You look a mess,” Pierce gibed as he walked across the room towards Calder, the red head could only shake his head, he opened his eyes, as he had been dozing on the sofa, and turned his head to where the sound of his friend’s voice was coming from and gasped. 

He got to his feet and took a shaky step towards Pierce; he could see a blurry outline of his friend. He babbled incoherently for a second before regaining his composure and trying to calmly organise his thoughts into sentences in his brain before he spoke again. 

“I can nearly fucking see you, man!” It was as eloquent as he was going to get in his excitement. Pierce whooped with the same obvious excitement. It was cause for celebration, Calder stopped and sighed heavily he’d have been happy if Matt was around too. His friend noticed that sudden lack of jubilation and put a hand on his shoulder. 

“Hey, he might come back.” Pierce tried to say this comfortingly but it didn’t work, the words were laced with doubt and Calder could hear them stark as a crow call. He’d blown it with Matt, he wasn’t sure what ‘it’ was, they weren’t together and nothing much happened, but Calder definitely felt like he had lost something very important.   
He was a train wreck of emotions, but his sight was coming back and soon he would be facing Killbane for their last fight. This was the fight to end it all; this was for ownership of Steelport, the one thing he had strived for since they had fallen into the godforsaken place. 

“You know… you still look terrible.” Pierce pointed out, Calder shrugged, it wasn’t like he’d had any help getting around and dressing. He probably did look terrible but he didn’t care, he was riding the wave of elation and a mismatched outfit would not bring him down. 

Everyday his sight slowly returned, after a week he could see clearly again. It was good to be able to walk around and not worry about walking to in to a coffee table or worry about falling down the stairs, and his sense of style returned now he could see what he was pulling out of the wardrobe. 

It wasn’t long before Killbane got wind that Calder’s sight was back to normal, and they cornered the red head inside Friendly Fire while he was stocking up on ammo. At first Calder thought the group that entered the store behind him were just rowdy citizens until a giant hand landed on his shoulder and he was turned round roughly to face the gang of Luchadores that had followed him in. 

“Killbane requests your presence at the location of the Murder brawl. If you don’t show up your HQ will go boom.” Calder was surprised the ‘roided up ogre could actually complete a coherent sentence. Then again Killbane probably had him repeat it so it was completely committed to memory, poor guy, he probably only had enough space in the pea sized brain of his to remember one or two instructions, something he had once learned was now lost forever. The dolt. 

Dolt? 

Where had that come from? He never used the word dolt that was Matt’s word. Calder growled under his breath at the sudden ache in his chest when he remembered the teen. The ogre before him mistook the growl as a threat and pulled back his arm as he was about to take a swing a blue and pink blur zipped in and grabbed the Luchadore by the arm and pulled him to the ground. 

It was one of the female Deckers on rollerblades. She glanced briefly at Calder her eyes lacking emotion as all Deckers did; she looked as vacant as a zombie in a horror flick. 

“Killbane said you were not to hurt the Saint.” With that she zipped off in a neon blur, the store was silent save for the quick breathing of the terrified cashier hiding behind the counter. The Luchadores obviously took this into account as they sent threatening glares his way before lumbering out of the store leaving Calder with a hyperventilating cashier. 

“Big thugs with brains the size of peanuts.” Calder muttered as he helped the old man up from the floor behind the counter, he gave the man a quick smile before slapping a few notes down on the counter and leaving with his ammo. 

It felt good walking around with a gun in his hand again. It was just a regular pistol but it still felt damn good. He was out and breaking the law with no regard for others safety. He was in the mood for murder and facing Killbane would be just the thing to start off a murderous rampage, one that would no doubt get out of control and a blood bath would creep across the city, when he was finished it would look like Hell had crawled up and taken it’s new home in Steelport. 

With a dark chuckle he headed to the Saints HQ, which was once again bustling with activity now the boss was back on top, to get ready for his meeting with the masked wrestler. Shaundi greeted him at the door with a smile there was a bitterness inside her, and Calder knew it was because he was back, she had been top dog while he was away and now she was slung back down to the lower ranks and she obviously didn’t like that, not one bit. 

“Good to see you wearing that sadistic smile of yours again, boss.” She said as she snapped her gum, Calder didn’t reply, silence stretched out before them before she turned and clicked away on her killer heels, pony tail swinging as she stalked across the room towards a group of girls who had obviously taken to answering her beck and call. 

Pierce was sat across the room with Oleg playing chess, Calder rolled his eyes and dropped a gun onto the board sending the little pieces flying off in different directions and completely ruining the game, Pierce looked up ready to unleash Hell on the poor sucker that interrupted the game, that was until he realised it was his red headed boss. Instead he growled and looked to Oleg who simply chuckled at the man’s misfortune before kneeling down to pick up the small pieces that had landed around him. 

“Do you know how many times my damn game has been interrupted, I nearly had him, do you even care?” Pierce whined as he got up from his seat, Calder didn’t speak a word as he watched his friend pick up the gun off the chess board and shove it in the holster on his belt. 

They headed for the lift; Calder didn’t speak until they reached the garage. He turned to Pierce and smiled as he lit up a cigarette, he offered his friend one he gladly took it. 

“Killbane has requested my presence at the murder brawl arena. I know it’ll be empty; well it will be full of Luchadores but no one of great importance. Thing is I’m going alone-“

“What, no way. Are you fuckin’ crazy, don’t answer that, we all know you are bat shit insane.” Pierce paced for a second before looking to Calder and shaking his head. 

“You know we won’t let you go alone.” 

“Yeah, maybe I shoulda have just left without telling you guys.” Calder muttered as an after thought to himself, he received a hard punch in the arm for that, he laughed and brushed it off.

“Come on, I’ll be fine. I’ve survived a fucking plane crash or two. I can survive some crazy old wrestler on a power trip.” The red head smirked as he said this, he was smug, and after all he had come out of things that would have killed others. Pierce wasn’t convinced in the slightest. 

“This is a suicide mission, man. That guy can crush your skull with his fucking bare hands. That not a little scary?” Calder shook his head, his smile pasted across his face like he truly didn’t have a care in the world. 

“Wait, you aren’t going just to see if Matt is ok, are you?” The question surprised Calder and the Saints boss found himself at a loss for words, he wasn’t doing this to find the teen, was he? He hadn’t thought of Matt since he bought ammo down at Friendly Fire earlier that day. His whole reason for going was that if he didn’t the Saints HQ would go out with an almighty bang, it had nothing to do with the skinny, pasty, whiney cyber goth that had practically lived with him when he was blind. 

“No, don’t be so fucking stupid. I’m doin’ this to save the HQ that is all.” Calder spoke uncertainly, his hands now shoved in his jeans pockets he was so angry with himself; he had set himself up for a fucking fall. He’d planned to go into the viper’s nest alone and it was all because he worried about the fucking Deckers boss too fucking much. He was going crazy over that guy and it was not fucking funny. 

Pierce took the uneasy stance his boss held as a sign he had just lied his ass off. With one last look at Calder he headed upstairs to get Shaundi and the gang, if there was one thing he was sure of, it was that he was not letting Calder do this alone. If he really cared for the kid he should at least live long enough for him to be able to tell him how he felt. Even if it meant nothing happened between them after it all. 

Not twenty minutes later thirty of the Saints, including Calder, Pierce and Shaundi, stood outside the murder brawl arena, some with shotguns slung over their shoulders casually, as if they were carrying fishing poles, while others stood tossing grenades back and forth between their hands waiting impatiently for the signal to start this all out war. 

Thirty wasn’t enough for a street war but it was definitely enough to thin out Killbane’s lackeys long enough to get a foothold on the way to the top, the big time. He felt a hand on his shoulder, looking round it was Oleg. 

“You are not really here to fight, I know this, but still we will make a clear path for you. There are more important things than blood and death in your life now.”

“Uh, what?” Calder’s elegant reply earned a chuckle from the Russian.

“You’re not here to fight, I think most of us know that. I do not know why you constantly ignore the fact that you are in love.” Calder felt his cheeks heat up, as he blushed scarlet at Oleg’s words. 

“Spout your rubbish somewhere else.” Calder stuttered before turning to face the door that swung open. Killbane stepped out with Matt close behind. He looked fine, he looked safe, Calder felt at ease and suddenly all he wanted to do was go home. 

The fight in him had dissipated as soon as he saw that Matt was fine and it hurt just a little that he was fine and doing well without him. His wall almost crumbled until Shaundi pushed him forward, he had forgotten why they were there.

“Listen Killbane, you might as well start packin’ up your shit because we are gunna run you outta this town!” Pierce called out, Calder had been lost for words since Killbane stepped out of the arena. There were Luchadores everywhere, their obnoxious green cars and outfits made them look like an army of bulky green peapods. Calder held back a laugh at this ridiculous thought, he had to pull himself together he couldn’t giggle like a fucking girl at such a serious moment. 

Shaundi gave Calder a worried look, he wasn’t himself, she nudged one of the girls next to her and whispered something in her ear, before he had a second to realise it about 12 members of the Saints pulled him in to the crowd with them and surrounded him. Clearly Shaundi thought he wasn’t safe on his own. 

“You tell me to run and hide with my tail between my legs like a wounded dog but there you are hiding your boss for fear you will lose him in this clash. That is not fighting behaviour. You are all scared little boys and girls, you’ve only gotten this far due to your boss’s insanity, something none of you have picked up on until now.” Shaundi clenched her fists and bared her teeth before pushing past Pierce to face Killbane who had taken a step closer to the Saints. 

“Go to fuckin’ hell, Eddie!” A fire ignited in his eyes upon hearing his real name and Killbane took no time in striding forward to grab the woman that had insulted him, Calder had other ideas and pushed his way through the human shield around him and pulled Shaundi to safety all the while taking the painful blow in her place. 

Calder’s world went black after the first hit.


	6. The Last Laugh

Chapter Six- The Last Laugh

 

Calder groaned as he opened his eyes, his head was pounding and he was bound tightly to a chair with thick coarse rope. He had to admit, he’d woken up in worse states and they usually started with alcohol. His head did feel like he’d drank an ocean of vodka, though he knew it was not the case. 

He was tied up in some dark and dusty corner of the arena, there were plenty of Luchadores milling around but none of them paid any attention to him, which was just as well, trying to hold a conversation with one of those meatheads chilled Calder to the bone. 

He closed his eyes and tried to get past the pounding in his head, he wasn’t sure why they had tied him up and had not just shot him in the head to end the war before it even started, but he was sure Killbane had his reasons, something about honour or some shit. 

When he opened his eyes his gaze was met by blue gaze of none other than the Deckers boss Matt Miller, Calder tried to move back but he was stuck to the chair and the way he was tied left no room for movement of any kind. The teen moved back and let out a long sigh of relief before giving the red head a small apologetic smile. 

“I’m glad you’re ok.” He said quietly as he knelt down in the shadows trying to keep out of sight, he probably wasn’t meant to check up on the enemy, they weren’t mean to be friends. Calder rose an eyebrow at the word glad, in the US that was a pretty noncommittal word, he had no idea what it meant in the UK but hearing someone was ‘glad’ to him sounded like he wasn’t really that interested in Calder’s state at all. 

“You’re glad I’m ok?” Calder questioned he couldn’t keep the sarcasm from his voice and he saw Matt’s face fall. Though he regretted how he had reacted he didn’t apologise. He just sat and watched Matt’s face change from defeated to angry.

“I can just leave you here if you’re going to be such a dick.” His voice was a little higher than usual and his face was white with fear, the black bags under his eyes told Calder that he had once again not been sleeping well. He looked ill and tired and so, so scared. Calder angrily tried to push against his bindings. 

“Please help me out of this.” He pleaded softly; Matt leaned in and planted a soft kiss on Calder’s lips, which the red head smiled into as he tried to push forward to deepen it. Matt moved back his eyes wide with surprise, he had hoped Calder wouldn’t curse at him; he wasn’t prepared for what actually happened. 

Without another word Matt pulled a knife from his boot and began cutting Calder loose from the chair, all the while he refused to look up at the Saint. Calder wondered if it was because he feared for his own life so much that if Killbane caught him helping out the enemy that he would die, his hands were shaking as he stowed the knife away and stood up. 

Calder rubbed his arms where the rope had rubbed against his skin, he was free to return to the Saints and plan a counter attack but he was already there and he was pretty sure there would be guns around the place that weren’t being used that he could ‘borrow’. 

“Get out of here, Calder.” Matt whined worriedly as he looked around for any signs that the Luchadores had noticed their hostage escaping with inside help. The teen looked back to Calder a pleading look on his face. The red head tried to ignore it as he grabbed a gun that lay just beyond the shadows, Matt gasped and grabbed Calder pulling him back in to the darkness. 

“You’re doing this on purpose.” Matt accused as he scowled at Calder who actually laughed and nodded. He reached out to the teen and wrapped his fingers around Matt’s wrist and pulled him sharply to him, their bodies pressed together momentarily as Calder placed his lips on Matt’s. Dropping the gun that he held to the floor he put both hands to the teen’s shoulders pushing him slowly up against a wall as he deepened the kiss. 

Breaking the kiss Matt pushed the red head away and blushed madly as he scurried off, no words passed between them as he walked away; then again they had just kissed passionately in a very dangerous situation. So instead of moodily grabbing his gun and causing a scene, he picked the smg up and slunk around the edge of the arena keeping in the shadows and trying to plan a way to escape, trying to take on an army of ‘roid rage men in lycra was actually more like a nightmare than fun in Calder’s opinion. 

As he tried to find a way out he scanned the room checking to see if the Luchadores had sense enough to walk in a certain direction at a certain time, surely they had someone watching him, surely he couldn’t just slip out of the emergency exit behind him without a single man in the room noticing. Could he slip away? 

He leaned on the bar that opened the door and it clicked open, he slipped out in to the now dark streets of Steelport without a hitch. He took a deep breath, it was too easy, but then again perhaps they hadn’t had to worry about him escaping because they had no idea that Matt was really on his side, well he hoped he was. If he wasn’t he was damn good at pretending he was. 

He ended up at HQ Pierce and Shaundi rush to his side, both of them very surprised to see him up and about and not… dead.

“When you took that blow for Shaundi we thought he had killed you, boss!” Pierce exclaimed, he gave the Saints boss a pat on the back and grinned.

“You’re a slippery motherfucker.” Shaundi joked, they sounded impressed, he had to come clean, they were making him out to be a hero and all he had done was make out with Matt after being freed by said Brit. He was just lucky that Matt had been around, if he hadn’t he would more than likely be dead. 

“Uh guys, I didn’t miraculously escape my bindings. Matt cut me free.” The red head admitted as he walked up to the sofa and flopped down on it tiredly. He glanced up to his friends they were both laughing at him. 

“Killbane tied you up like some damsel in distress and Matt is your hero coming to rescue you from all types of situations now?” Pierce shakes his head as he continues to laugh through his words. Calder knew what Pierce was doing, he was trying to embarrass him but it didn’t work, Matt have saved him, the teen was a good person deep down and if he hadn’t been around as much as he had been lately Calder would have been screwed. 

“Laugh all you want but he was around more than you guys when I was blind.” The Saints boss pointed out, Shaundi sat next to him on the sofa and looked grimly to him.

“You need to get your head out of the clouds and get in the game. Yeh he helped you out but while you were playing around in the penthouse we were keepin’ the streets. We worked hard while you were out of action. Now it is time for you to give your head a fuckin’ shake and grab a damn gun. Killbane isn’t like Matt, that psycho’s poison for you is rooted deep, he’s a fucking killin’ machine.” She was right, of course she was, Killbane wasn’t playing around, he wanted to own the streets again, he wanted to crush them into dust under his boots. 

Calder sat in silence for a second, after awhile he got to his feet and grabbed the smg he’d found in the arena and turned to his friends and said:

“Alright, let’s get this started.”


	7. The Road Less Travelled

Chapter Seven- The Road Less Travelled 

 

Matt had managed to free Calder and get back to Killbane’s side without him noticing he had been missing for too long. The wrestler didn’t bother asking him where he had gone, much to Matt’s relief. 

They hadn’t noticed Calder’s escape yet. When they did he hoped they did not pin the blame on him so quickly. He would crack under this pressure soon enough. 

It was Matt, Killbane and about fifteen Deckers and Luchadores milling around in the green room, the place Killbane felt most comfortable, apparently. 

“Checking up on your precious computers again? It is unhealthy to have such feelings for technology, Matt.” Killbane muttered, Matt blushed and bit back a scathing reply, arguing with a man the size of a house would not do well for his health. Instead he stifled a yawn and tried to think about the last time he had had a decent nights sleep. 

He couldn’t remember. 

All he could feel was fear seeping in to his every pore, it sunk in to his bones and he held back a shiver that ran down his spine, if Killbane realised he had helped Calder escape he would die, it would be a painful death and Matt was not ready to leave the realm of the living. 

He was too young to die. There had been so much he had not experienced in life, so much he planned to do and he would not have the chance if Killbane found out about his feelings for the Saints boss. Thinking about Calder replaced the cold feeling of dread with warmth and he realised he was blushing. 

“Something on your mind, Matt?” Killbane asks as he looks round to the unusually quiet Brit. Matt shook his head and looked down to his hands, he was in over his head and he felt like he was going to drown if he stuck around. 

“I think I’ll call it a night, Killbane.” He mentally congratulated himself for not stuttering as he spoke, he had sounded calm and normal and he was filled with such relief when the wrestler before him merely nodded and dismissed him with a wave of the hand without looking back at him. His eyes were fixed on the news and the main headline on Angel coming out of hiding for the first time in years. 

Matt had to hold himself back from heading to the Saints HQ as he climbed into his car, it was an inconspicuous black car, nothing flashy like the cars he gave to his Deckers. 

As he drove across town his thoughts travelled back to when he was still in England, what he wouldn’t give to be back there safe with his mum and dad and a decent cup of tea. Smiling to himself he realised he had stopped the car while thinking of his family; he gazed up in sheer horror when he realised that he had unconsciously driven to the Saints HQ. 

He shook his head in disbelief, how had this happened? His thoughts had not been on Calder at all. He paled when he saw Calder outside the doors leading to the lobby smoking. He closed his eyes and mentally gave himself a pep talk to calm him down and get him to move his car. 

The door was pulled opened and he was dragged out by the back of the shirt and tossed towards the Saints boss who seemed surprised to see him, looking behind him he realised it had been Pierce that had pulled him out of his car. 

Calder had escaped to get five minutes alone and to smoke before he headed back up to the penthouse to continue planning the attack on Killbane, he had not expected to have Pierce thrust the Deckers boss in his direction before jumping in his car and driving off as if it were completely normal to do such things. 

Well, it was completely normal really, but he was just fucking surprised to see Matt in front of him. The Brit looked beyond tired and just a little bit terrified. He wasn’t afraid of Calder, but maybe he was scared of his own actions and his own feelings, his eyes looked like there was an inner turmoil situation going on and Calder was suddenly concerned. 

“What are you doing here, Matt?” The red head stubbed out the cigarette and flicked the butt over towards the bin. The teen looked up to him and shook his head and half laughed with nerves. 

“I’ve no idea, I shouldn’t be here. It is dangerous for me to be here. I have to go.” Before his brain could so much as process the order to turn his body around, Calder had his hand around the Decker’s boss’s wrist and was pulling him in to the lobby. 

“Listen, because of what you did for me, this is the safest place for you to be right now.” He spoke in a low tone, laced with light anger and panic. Matt struggled in his grip then gave up, deep down he had wanted Calder to stop him from running away. He didn’t want to admit it to himself but he really liked the Saints boss and being close to him was nice. 

He was big and strong, but not in a scary way like Killbane was. His shoulder length red hair and bright green eyes were more inviting than a bed right now. Matt closed his eyes and tried to pull away again. He had to stop thinking about Calder like that; he would only get himself and the Saints boss killed. 

After all the times he had snapped at Calder for calling him a kid, he realised at that moment he really was too young for all of this. He was nineteen and he truly thought he was in love. What did he know about love? He’d never kissed anyone until Calder had kissed him!


	8. Fight or Flight Instinct

Chapter Eight- Fight or Flight Instinct

He didn't sleep well, for a few hours he lay staring at the ceiling going over what had happened. The past week had been crazy and out of his control. His hands ached from being away from a computer for so long and his mind would not rest. He wondered idly if taking something apart would help him relax, it usually did.

'This is how it will end.' Matt thought as he sat up and put his hands to his face, his body didn't feel like his own and for the first time in a while he realised he was hungry. Thinking of dressing and heading down to the kitchen made him nervous, The Saints were intimidating, he was just one man and he had nothing to defend himself with.

It was a sad sight to behold to anyone looking in from the outside. A gang boss sat in his boxers in the bedroom of a rival gang worrying about being both hungry and on a hit list. With that thought in mind he clenched his fists and got to his feet.

He pulled on his pants and his t shirt and took a deep breath before heading out of the bedroom and down the stairs to the lounge, to his surprise there were only two people there and not one of them was Calder.

Shaundi was sat flicking through a script of some description, the other was some unknown guy that Matt had not seen before.

"Hey, aren't you supposed to be sleeping?" Shaundi looked to the teen and threw the script onto the coffee table, she got to her feet and Matt took a step back. She smiled realising that she probably scared him a little, especially when Calder wasn't around.

"I was hungry…" Matt said with a little apprehension, he was surprised when the look on the Saint's face softened and she gestured for him to follow her to the kitchen. He did as he was told.

"Sit, I can get you something." She said opening the fridge, the look on Matt's face must have offended her, he was surprised, as she scowled in his direction. "Come on, I know I'm a hard ass but hey you're just a kid and if you're hungry I can help you out. Plus…." She sighed before carrying on, as if it pained her to say the words. "If we didn't look after you, boss would kick our asses. As much of a surprise as that might seem. On the outside it looks like he runs around after all of us all the time but really we ask him to do this stuff because he's the fuckin' best. Boss gets things done, that is why he's the boss." Matt could only nod, he was speechless and not because the female before him terrified him.

It was an experience being there, to see the inner workings of the gang that was singlehandedly destroying Steelport one gang at a time. When they were his opposition they were names and faces with bad attitudes and he had a rather large dislike for them, and he scoffed to himself at the sudden realisation that, as corny as it sounded, you were really not meant to judge a book by the cover.

"PB and J do ya?" Shaundi asks sliding the plate across the counter towards the Brit, he frowned and lifted the top slice of bread up to inspect the inside and he sighed with relief when he realised what she'd given him, he gave her a grateful smile and picked it up taking a large bite.

"You know what it is, Matt? You're kinda cute. I can see why the boss likes you so much." Shaundi said this offhandedly as she opened the fridge and pulled out two cans of soda. Matt nearly choked on his food when she said it. He swallowed thickly and set the rest of the sandwich down to address what she'd just said to him.

Before he could ask her anything, Shaundi pulled her phone from her pocket and growled. "Piece of shit phone!" With that angry exclamation she slammed the phone down on the counter top and angrily took a drink from her soda, which was rather comical, though Matt refrained from laughing at her.

He picked up the phone and turned it over in his hands, it had seen better days but he could probably do something with it and have it working much better than it was now. "What is it?" He asks still looking at the phone, Shaundi growled again.

"Speakers are fucked, I've got 6 missed calls and I didn't hear them, that and it's just a shitty phone anyway." She was clearly just agitated, it was a good phone, popular model…

"I'll fix it for you." He said simply turning the device off and pulling the back and the front shell off it.

"Uh thanks, kid."

"I'll ignore the fact you called me kid again if you make me another sandwich." He smiled at her and she shook her head muttering about the fact it sounded almost sexist what he'd said to her.

Calder tapped his fingers on the dashboard of the car, he was distracted and it was really starting to get to Pierce.

"You know, boss. If you didn't wanna come you should have stayed at the crib." Pierced snapped, it drew Calder from his distracted thoughts and he shrugged.

"Fuck no, I'm fine, what's your problem?!" He countered already embarrassed that he was so obviously antsy about being away from the Decker's boss. It was common knowledge that when they thought all was well, it wasn't…

They were protecting someone that posed as a threat to them if they weren't careful. Though, truth be told, he wasn't worried about Matt betraying him.

"You know what, just go the fuck home, man!" Pierce slammed on the car breaks and turned to his friend. "I swear to fucking God, man. You ain't got your head in the game. This is fucked up." They were in old Morning Star territory, their logo still emblazoned everywhere Calder stared out of the car window unable to formulate any kind of snarky reply to his friend.

"Fine, see you when you get back." He climbed out of the car and headed in the direction of 'home'. It pissed him off how much he knew Pierce was right. Killbane and his Luchadores were just 'roided up morons with someone God complex and sure fighting them would be hazardous and potentially fatal… that didn't matter to him, people were going to die and he didn't really give a fuck.

Why should he? They were always trying to kill him, might as well get there first. He stopped and shook his head at his own thoughts. Killbane was right, he was insane.

"Wow… Am I a fuckin' sociopath?" He questioned himself before carrying on walking, it wasn't long until he got back to the crib, he passed by some Decker's but they ignored him in favour of electro pop punk and iPhones.

He was tired and angry and… fuck did he even know? He stomped through the elevator doors and threw himself onto a couch face buried in a pillow. He had pretty much ignored everyone in the room, he would rather they ignored him too.

Unfortunately, Matt and Shaundi were still in the kitchen, they'd been sat snickering at the things that had happened to the boss lately, like the fact Kinzie had turned him into a toilet in Matt's virtual world and how Zimos had drugged him and had him running round a brothel naked. All in a days work for the Saints boss.

When Calder had stormed in and thrown himself on to the sofa like a sulking child they both got up from their seats in the kitchen and headed over to him. Matt was concerned but Shaundi was still snickering.

"Hey, where's Pierce?" Shauni asked, not particularly caring that Calder was in a state of despair, the Saints boss sat up and gave her a piercing look, which she deflected easily. He was an asshole at times.

"He's out doin' his thing." He shrugged and ran a hand through hair. "Don't you have somewhere to be?" He groused as she clicked off across the room to retrieve her now fixed cell phone from the kitchen counter.

"I'm goin'. Jesus, you need to get laid." With that she headed for the elevator and left him alone with Matt. The other Saint had vanished, Matt wondered if he'd even been there in the first place, maybe he was so tired he was hallucinating now?

"Is something the matter?" The Brit asked sitting on the couch next to Calder, he wondered if something had happened while he had been out. Or perhaps he no longer trusted him… his stomach dropped and it felt as though ice was freezing his veins as his heart pounded.

"Just something Pierce said to me… about you." The redhead shrugged and leaned back on the sofa, he took Matt's hand squeezing it gently. It was a sweet gesture and Matt felt calmed, it was so unlike Calder to sound this tired, this unsure.

Feeling bold, Matt climbed on to Calder's lap and leaned in kissing him softly. He wanted to cheer him up, this side of the Saint's boss odd, he seemed to think he was failing, not that Calder would ever admit it out loud.

"Woa, wait… are  _you_ ok?!" Calder's eyes wide as Matt moved back getting comfortable straddling his lap. He was in no way complaining but he was sure as Hell not expecting this from the Brit kid. "I mean.. yeeeah but are you sure you wanna do this right now?"

"Don't question me, I'm a genius and if I want to do this I will." Matt replied quickly, his resolve was melting away and his voice was stilted and his cheeks were pink as he tried to convince Calder he wasn't afraid.

"Come on, you're scared."

"I always will be if you keep telling me I am. Please, I want to do this." His tone coming out as a childish whine as he let his hands slide up Calder's shirt, he smiled when the Saint's boss didn't stop him. "Shaundi is right, after all. You do need to get laid… and who better than me?"

"I will refrain from answerin' that one." The redhead grinned as he leaned up to capture Matt's lips with his. "Bedroom. Now."


	9. A Rumble of Thunder

Chapter Nine- A Rumble of Thunder

 

 

They had both fallen into bed with every intention of carrying on with what Matt had started in the lounge but as soon as the Brit climbed into bed he dropped off to sleep. Which was pretty ideal since he’d not slept for 3 days.

‘ _Any longer and he’d go insane_.’ Calder thought as he looked down at the pale sleeping form of the Deckers boss. Too much had happened in so little time that really none of it made sense, it was like everything he knew and stood for was crashing down around him because of one person.

Shaking his head, Calder got up from the bed, leaving Matt to sleep alone, luckily he hadn’t undressed and so he headed back downstairs, when he got there he wasn’t alone.

“So this is where you housed the little traitorous mouse?” It was Killbane. He had his back to the Saint’s boss but he had clearly known it was him coming downstairs, Calder snarled but he was helpless really, there wasn’t a good in sight, strangely.

Had this all been planned?

“Look, ya ‘roid rage show pony, leave him outta this. This is between you and me. Got that?!” His anger had really gotten the better of him there, it was blind panic… not anger. His heart thumped in his chest, he was sure the wrestler before him could hear it.

“Oh, but you’re wrong. He betrayed me and let you go, but I should thank him really, he gave me the chance to find you and that in itself was entertaining. As I was saying, this does involve him, sadly it was one of his Deckers that informed me he was here… a turncoat working for me infiltrated your gang and told me everything I needed to know.” Killbane chuckled darkly at his own words, he sounded victorious already, but he hadn’t won, everyone was still alive that he knew of, everything was still… safe?

“Fuck you. You could have this place infiltrated by a hundred of your thugs and still you wouldn’t beat us down. Look, you wanted a war, you got one. Bring. It. On.” Fighting talk from someone who was actually freaking the fuck out on the inside. This guy could end it all with a fist to Calder’s face but he seemed to have more restraint than he did, the wrestler’s arms stayed by his side.

He didn’t even flicker as Calder mentioned war.

Tough son of a bitch.

“Oh we’re already at war, you hair brained sociopath. Look around you, not a Saint in sight, I wonder where they could possibly be?!”

He was bluffing, he was fucking bluffing he knew it. He had to be because if he had every single Saint locked up or killed… no- it was physically impossible. His eyes flicked to the door then back to Killbane who hadn’t moved an inch, it was strange.

“Hey boss you ok?” That was Shaundi’s voice, turning quickly to face her.

“Get the fuck out or give me your gun?!” Frowning the female Saint walked over quickly no dear in her eyes at the fact Killbane was here, Calder turned to look- gone…

“W-what the… hey you saw Killbane right here when you came in, right? Right?!” Shaundi looked around the penthouse somewhat on guard at the mention of the wrestler’s name, but when she didn’t see him she relaxed.

“There’s no one here but us- Where’s Matt?” No, no! No, he had been there, he had been there talking to him, he had threatened war and told him there had been a traitor among the ranks of the Deckers.

It had seemed so real.

…but it wasn’t.

Was it?

Trying to slow his racing thoughts and heart he took a deep breath. “Uh- right, he’s sleepin’ upstairs.” Had he imagined the whole fucking thing? He must have looked confused, worried because Shaundi was giving him a really concerned look right now.

“You’ve had a rough few days, go get some sleep ok?”

“I don’t fucking need sleep. I need to know why KILLBANE WAS HERE AND THEN VANISHED IN A SPLIT SECOND?! DID HE JUMP OFF THE FUCKING ROOF? I THINK SOMEONE WOULD HAVE NOTICED IF A 300 POUND MAN ABSAILED DOWN MY BUILDING. ARE YA HEARIN’ ME SHAUNDI? BECAUSE I’M SURE I AM BEING LOUD ENOUGH!” Now his breathing was harsh, shallow and his eyes were wide, pupils constricted to mere dots now, taking a step back Shuandi shook her head helplessly.

“I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about, Boss. Just sit down ok? Maybe when Killbane hit you he… knocked somethin’ loose upstairs?”

“What’s going on?” Matt appeared at the top of the stairs hair mussed from sleep, Shaundi swore under her breath glaring at Calder for waking Matt with his insane screaming. “Is everything ok?”

“Uh… yeeeeah, fine just practising lines for a sh- Ah, fuck it. No, the boss has lost it. He thinks Killbane was here.” With a tired sigh Matt moved down the stairs and sat down next to Calder.

“You need sleep, and food. When was the last time you even ate?”

“Fuck. No. Can we not sit here and talk about my health like I’m an idiot? I eat and I sleep plenty. I wanna know why you two think what I saw wasn’t real and if it wasn’t why am I seeing it?” Running a hand through his hair Calder leaned forward away from Shaundi and Matt’s sympathetic glances.

“Might just be an after effect of being blind…” Matt suggested quietly.

‘ _Finally, a normal idea._ ’ The boss thought maybe he was right, maybe they were both right about all of it. It could have been a mix of all three but he didn’t have time to dwell on it, now he was on edge he had to make plans.

“Shaundi, get the saints, we got shit to do. No slackin’, I want to hit Killbane hard and before he can regroup I wanna do it again.” As if summoned by speaking about them, a group of saints headed by Oleg and Pierce wander in, they seemed to have returned from a mission, a mission that gave them plenty of cash.

“I want to help… I know I, myself, can’t help much without my Deckers, but if we want to keep Killbane in the dark I will have to leave them out of this.” Matt began, though he had to stifle a yawn half way through speaking.

“You’ll be plenty of help on your own, Matt. You’ve got technology on your side, something we really could use.” Shaundi replied before anyone could get a word in, most of the saints just nodded in agreement.

“Great. You can be on surveillance, tell us where the nutjob is at all times.” Pierce chimed in with a grin, Calder glanced over his shoulder at the group behind him, cogs ticking in his brain.

“I have an idea...”


	10. Chapter Ten Comedy of Errors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After such a scare Calder isn't sure what is real but he doesn't have time for these thoughts. The only thing on his mind now is war.

Chapter Ten- Comedy of Errors

 

“Fuck. No. You’re a fuckin’ asshole.”

“Come on, Shaundi. It’s for one day!”

“Let me remake the point I just made. Fuck. No.”

“Not a point, that is just you bein’ a pussy!”

“Come a little closer and let me punch the smirk off your face!”

Pierce and Oleg leaned over the couch to speak to Matt, all the while their eyes still on the argument. “So… Matt, what the fuck is goin’ on here?!” The Brit looked round and sighed though he had a very amused expression on his face.

It was early morning, everyone had finally slept and the boss hadn’t had another episode, or maybe he had and he just hadn’t said, with that thought Matt eyed Calder with concern but he seemed happy enough laughing at Shaundi’s attempts to threaten him.

“Well, he had a plan, which was to take a few of the Saints, including Shaundi, and dress them as Deckers and send them to Luchadore territory to get intel to take Killbane down. Calder seems insistent on pinning them, the Luchadores, and picking them off one by one until it’s just Killbane.” The Brit explained, it was a decent plan, Shaundi would have disagreed had she been able to read his mind.

“Hey, that isn’t a bad plan… I mean, if he pulls it off and we leave Killbane with no one this could be over before we know it!” Pierce seemed pleased with the plan, but it was probably because he wasn’t yet involved.

Oleg, however, seemed apprehensive.

“I think perhaps we should choose another to go in Shaundi’s place. If we need intel we can ask Kinzie, she has a whole world at her finger tips, she could tell you where Killbane was every second of the da- why are you laughing into your sleeve like that?” The Russian gave Matt a confused look. Matt was indeed laughing quietly into his sleeve as Oleg spoke, finally he looked up with a rather bemused smile.

“She won’t help us, not when I’m involved.” Pierce nodded at this before standing properly again to watch Calder and Shaundi argue over the plan. It hadn’t ended or broken off.

“Come ooooon, Shaundi, I wouldn’t trust anyone else to do this.”

“Fuck. You. Fuck all this.”

“Fuck! Seriously, you are fuckin’ this up with your whinin’. The amount of shit I do for you and you’re bitchin’ about this? What the fuck, Shaundi?!” The argument had escalated from playful to angry and possibly on the brink of violent and the last thing they needed was unease and disruption in the ranks.

Rather than wasting time walking around the couch, Pierce, hopped over it and separated the two with a smile. “Come on, guys, no need to get so angry, it’s kinda unpleasant to see you guys fightin’ you need to work together. We all have the damn goals, man.” With this said he backs away from them both, Shaundi just shakes her head turning away from them, seemingly no fight left within her.

Calder sighed heavily, that much was true, they all wanted an easier life and they’d get that if they worked together and got rid of Killbane… problem was the gang didn’t always see eye to eye, if everyone agreed 100% of the time they wouldn’t have taken over the majority of the city.

Steelport would be theirs.

With hands balled in to fists and a look of determination on his face, Calder turned to the saints, most stood expectantly awaiting to be addressed by their intrepid leader. They counted on him to give them the plans and the gall to do some of the stupidest things they’d ever heard in their lives. Calder was a mess of ideas and intelligence wrapped up in a ball of defiance covered in a skin so thick it could have been dragon hide. He would fight the war and he win, damn it, he’d win!

“Look, we’ve worked our way up from the bottom, guys. We started with nothin’, just street punks wagin’ wars we couldn’t even finish. There is one thing standing in our way and we can’t even agree on how to end it.” He clenched his fists tighter as he eyed those that stood before him, some shuffled nervously others only nodded in agreement.

“If no one is gunna try, why should I? This won’t end until either the Saints or the Luchadores are dead. Which is it gunna be? Us or them?” Finally he looked round to Shaundi, she had a clear look of recognition on her face as though she finally, begrudgingly, accepted what she had to do.

“For fuck- just get me the outfit before I change my fuckin’ mind.” Calder only grinned as he patted her on the back, it was better not to say anything to her, not even a thank you. Shaundi was… fickle with those kinds of things. It was better to remain silent than have her talons slice you a new one.

Matt watched as the Saints boss practically glowed with victory, it may very well be short lived but it was something to keep up morale, the task ahead could make or break them and should they lose such an important member to the enemy… Matt wasn’t sure Calder would carry on with his crusade, no matter how much he was persuaded.

As he thought this Calder directed his smile at him and he looked away.

_Brace yourself, Matty boy. You are 10000% in love with that goofball and you seem to be 10000% ok with that… but does-_

“Hey Matt, come on we got some stuff to do.”

Doubt niggled at him as he got to his feet and moved towards Calder, the redhead was still smiling, his arm extended out to him, an inviting scene but… what if this was the last moment they had together? What if the next time Matt saw him he was pale, lying still on the pavement spattered with blood, not a single breath in his body?

_It’d do you no good to think that way. He’ll be fine- he survived falling out of a damned plane! He would be fine… he will be fine… right?_

Calder noticed Matt’s unusual silence as they headed down to the garage, he nudged the teen with his elbow, when the Deckers boss looked up at him he offered him a smile but Matt didn’t seem to see it he had an almost haunted look in his eyes.

“Jesus, Matt… are you ok?”

“What if you die?” The question had been circling around his mind for a while but this was the first time he voiced it, at that Calder ran a hand through his hair looking, somewhat, sheepish.

“Ah- yeah… good question but I guess the only answer I have for you is that… I’d die. It isn’t what you want to hear, I know, but it’s the truth. If I die I die. Why?” Tacking on the question at the end was lazy and in reality he was kind of regretting adding it on, he didn’t want to know why Matt had asked that because it let to more awkward conversation and the elevator had nearly reached the garage and this was not a conversation for a car ride.

“What do you mean why? Why do you thi- it doesn’t matter.” No, now was not the time to spring something like ‘I love you’ on him, perhaps it was just the fact they were headed into a dangerous situation at some point, wasn’t that the time you told someone you loved them or was that just the stupidity of movies?

With a huff he climbed into the passenger’s seat of Calder’s Criminal, it was painted to look discreet, nothing like the other cars he owned that were painted the saints colours and emblazoned with their gang sign, thankfully.

Matt was sure he would never live it down if one of his Deckers saw him in a Saints car.

Changing the subject quickly would be a good idea, as Calder drove Matt stared out of the window, the route seemed unfamiliar. “Where are we going?”

“Kinzie’s warehouse.”

“W-what?!”

“Don’t worry, she probably already knows I’m on my way over with you. If she really wanted to kill you you’d be dead already, so just relax.” Matt held back a snarky reply and instead merely glared angrily at Calder who seemed not to notice it or he was purposely ignoring the life stealing gaze of the hacker.

“I hate you.”

“Yeh well I am pretty sure you were thinking the opposite earlier.”

“This is not a car conversation.”

“Ok, but you know… it could be if it is on your mind.” Calder offered gently, he kept his eyes on the road, it was safer that way, looking at Matt meant seeing the emotions the teen had on display and he didn’t think he was totally ready for something like that, not when they were heading to see Kinzie, who likely had the car bugged.

“No, thanks. There isn’t anything to talk about, not really.”

Matt’s reply cut him deep, not that he would admit such, he’d expected at least a blush and some stuttering before being called a dolt or an idiot, but no such was forth coming and instead the quick, cold reply was left hanging in the air as they headed towards Kinzie.

“Oh, right…OK.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the kudos! I would love to hear your thoughts on this though, I would like to hear from you all and your thoughts of the direction this fic is going. 
> 
> Thank you.


	11. Chapter Eleven Right Between The Eyes (What A Lie)

Chapter Eleven- Right Between The Eyes (What A Lie)

 

For the rest of the ride they sat in silence.

When they arrived at the warehouse Kinzie was waiting out front for them, her arms crossed over her chest glaring at the two of them as they climbed out of the car.

“What the _fuck_ is _he_ doing here?!” She sounded calm but firm, likely a raging storm inside. Matt hung back a little making sure to walk behind Calder as the Saints boss approached her with a smile, no hint of the conversation ever having taken place in the car remained on his face or in his eyes.

“Yo, come on Kinzie, I brought him here so you two could make amends and all that shit. The Saints need you both on their side right now, we can’t pull off what, you likely heard because I know you have the place bugged, I have planned if you two are always sabotaging each other in a bid to be ‘best hacker’ or whatever title you want.” Both Matt and Kinzie give Calder withering looks as he spoke, the complete look of ‘Quiet, human.’ If Calder every saw one.

At least they both agreed on something.

Even if it was that they both thought he was an idiot. It was a start at least.

“Can we at least come inside and talk about this like adults?” He received withering looks from them both again.

“ _We_ will talk like adults,” Kinzie began gesturing to both herself and Matt, “You, you will probably touch things aren’t supposed to touch and break something… you might as well come in.” She didn’t turn her back on either of them, instead she waited for the redhead and the cyber Goth to make the first move before finally turning to follow them into the warehouse.

Once inside Calder vowed to prove Kinzie wrong and kept his hands to himself, not touching a thing as he sat down. Mat remained standing, he didn’t move closer to Calder, instead he gestured around himself to Kinzie’s set up and nodded with approval, nothing smug in the nod, and if he was honest he was quite impressed.

“I admit… perhaps I have you wrong Kinzie, I know we’ve had differences… our very big differences, but you seem to know what you’re doing here.”

“Uh… yeah. I’m not a halfwit like the moron you’ve shacked up with.” The redhead said quickly gesturing to Calder who arched an eyebrow, but before he could speak Matt cut in with his own explanation.

“I have not shacked up with him. We’re just friends.”

_WHAT THE EVER LOVING FUCK, MATT?! No… no don’t get mad, Calder, you warned him from the start not to fall in love with you and he hasn’t. Why you getting so fucking emotional over it? This is good, this is great!_

“Well, I’m gunna leave you two love birds alone and head back to HQ. Try not to kill each other, ok? We need you both ready for action tomorrow.” Getting to his feet he nodded to Kinzie leaving without a word to Matt.

The Brit watched Calder go, the absolute need to stop him vibrated within him, biting his lip he looks to Kinzie who seemed confused by the entire situation. Rolling her eyes, in an almost defeated sense, she nodded to the sofa and flopped on the end of it inviting Matt to join her.

“Look, this is going to get in the way of our work so… you might as well tell me what all that was because… he’s right I had the car bugged and that was some weird conversation you had.” Something bleeped feebly over at her computer set up but she just smiled and continued to pin Matt with her piercing stare.

“Just to make this perfectly clear, Matt. We aren’t friends, we likely never will be, but the boss is important and I will play nice with you until the job is done.”

Matt merely huffed at this before nodding. “That is perfectly fine with me.”

In the car, it took all of Calder’s strength not to punch the steering wheel until the air bag deployed.

_‘Stupid. Fucking. Piece. Of. Shit.’_

Feelings were not needed in his line of work, he would have had them surgically removed if it had ever been an option but no, it wasn’t an option and somehow, when Matt had put him back together, the Brit had managed to only make his feelings… emotions more intense and he wanted to smack the little punk in the fucking face.

The sound of his phone ringing brings him back to the now and then.

“What?!” He snaps not even reading the caller ID.

“Jesus, boss, it’s me, Shaundi.”

“Sorry… what’s up?”

“Head back to HQ already, we got stuff to do!”

“Right, right.” He shoved the phone in his pocket and pulls away from the warehouse.

It would have been easier if Matt had just betrayed him, double crossed him… this seemed worse than anything. “Dammit, get your head in the game, Calder, forget the skinny brat, he isn’t worth your time!” He openly winced hoping Kinzie wasn’t monitoring him on the drive home because he sounded pretty pathetic right now.

He received a few questioning looks when he arrived back at HQ without Matt, someone even went as far as to ask where the Brit was.

“He isn’t attached to my fuckin’ hip!” Was the indignant reply they received as he stomped towards the couches where Shaundi and the rest of the gang were situated talking tactics. Sitting down he didn’t bother looking at them, their puzzled glances pissed him off but if he didn’t catch the eye of any of them no one would venture to ask him what was wrong.

Unfortunately Shaundi gave no fucks and was the first one to step over the line no one knew about and ask about Matt.

“So… where’s the skinny love bird you’ve been attached to lately?” She paled at the look on Calder’s face, it wasn’t anger it was far worse than anger but no one wanted to mention it. Due to likely having their spine removed by Shaundi.

He looked a mess.

What pissed him off the most is that everyone knew he looked a mess, everyone knew he was in pain and everyone probably knew why.

“Right, we have a plan. _I_ have a plan. Shaundi you’re goin’ in to get intel, I don’t even care what it is-“ He stopped himself short and got up from the seat he had taken and began to pace, his chest hurt and GOD DAMN IT!

IT PISSED HIM OFF.

WHO THE FUCK DID THAT KID THINK HE WAS?!

NO GOOD, SKINNY LITTLE PUNK WALKING INTO HIS LIFE FUCKING UP HIS REPUTATION AND MAKING HIM _FEEL_ THINGS.

FUCK. HIM.

Calder stopped, raging thoughts weren’t going to get him anywhere and the expression on his face must have been something the gang were concerned about because all eyes were on him. Sighing he shrugged at them, he had nothing to say to them, nothing he could say to them…. Or rather nothing he wanted to say.

Being the boss of the Saints wasn’t easy, a picture was painted of you and you couldn’t destroy that idea of yourself or you’d be destroyed. Calder couldn’t tell them that he was hurting, hurting because of some boy. That just wouldn’t cut it, letting heart rule head.

No way.

“Shaundi, you and the others infiltrate, take out as many guys as you can for the duration without causing much attention. We need someone to get close to Killbane- not you, Shaundi. Find out where he is every second of the day, there’s only so much security cameras can pick up. Tail him or get close to him, either will be dangerous.” He stopped again flopping into a seat, Shaundi wandered over kneeling beside him.

Conversation started up behind them leaving them to have a somewhat private conversation.

“Something is up with you, more so than normal. I mean, I know you’re a total whack job at the best of times, boss, but seriously. You’re not concentratin’ at all. What the Hell happened today?” In an ideal world she wouldn’t have asked, fuck-in an ideal world she wouldn’t have to ask because shit like this would not happen.

“I’m fine, we just need to get this plan into action instead of fuckin’ talking about it. Jesus. H. Christ. This is annoying. Let’s roll, guys.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If there is typos you have to deal because no one but me edits these and I go snow blind with typos after a while.
> 
> Sorry!
> 
> Thanks for reading!!


	12. Chapter Twelve Chilvary is Dead, Baby

Chapter Twelve- Chivalry is Dead, Baby

.

HQ was a mess, bullets and guns everywhere, the cacophony of voices mashing together making noise that only set Calder on edge, through gritted teeth he forced out a huffed breath surveying the mess that only a certain kind of unity could bring.

 

Everyone was ready to go.

 

He was ready to go.

 

Glancing out to the terrace he noticed the sky was growing dark—nightfall, lowered visibility.

 

Could be dangerous. Fatal even.

 

A quick inward shrug pushed him into motion, with one last look at the sky he moved toward the fray.

 

“Alright, alright, no time to stand and have fuckin’ meeting about this, get your asses on the streets—Shaundi, go now. You know what the plan is.”

 

Rather than a biting comment directed at Calder, which would have been normal, she just nods all the while straightening out her Decker’s uniform. A few cast glances her way, scathing looks were given in return.

 

Before she left she approached Calder, her expression had softened so much so that Calder almost didn’t recognise her. A look of love, a tenderness that looked alien on her face, but lately… lately Shaundi had kept a closer eye on him.

 

“Please, don’t do anything stupid.” So sincere were her words that the boss almost nodded mindlessly agreeing with her plea. Instead he shrugged remaining silent gesturing for her to leave, there was a pause a drawn out silence between them before finally Shaundi moved off.

 

Back at Kinzie’s warehouse Matt was pacing, his phone buzzed angrily on the table near him but he didn’t pick it up.

 

“Uh…Killbane is calling you, Matt.” Her voice was unsure as she alerted him to the call, the Brit waved the call away, too distracted to truly understand the huge mistake he had made in not answering the phone. Strangely, at that precise moment, Killbane was the lesser of his problems.

 

“We’re not going to be ok, are we Kinzie?” Matt wasn’t sure why he asked Kinzie this, the redhead didn’t reply to his question, they both knew it was best not to answer, the inevitability of it all collapsing around them was stark and speaking on it would do them no good. Taking on Killbane was ridiculous, it was a crazy idea and many could end up dead—the Deckers boss turned to face Kinzie once more, the colour draining from his face.

 

_If he gets hurt... what could I even do? Calder, please don’t do something stupid!!_

 

“We have to go.” Grabbing up his phone from the table he motioned for Kinzie to move, she did without argument for once and bolted to the door with him, they both stopped remembering that Calder had left with the only mode of transportation.

 

Matt tightened his grip around his phone, they’d not be stuck here if he hadn’t brushed off Kinzie’s words in such a way, but they were not ‘shacked up’ as Kinzie had so eloquently put it, it was more complicated than that, such an intensity came with every word and movement they made around each other, everything was measured up and it felt like a religious experience being with the Saints Boss, everything had a symbolism and Matt was being pulled in further by the second.

 

Such confusion.

 

But the ache he felt as Calder had left thinking he didn’t care for him, the hurt his heart was trying to process could have forced a star to super nova then and there.

 

“We’ll have to… borrow a car from someone.”

 

“You mean steal?”

 

“Do you want to get to Saints HQ or not?” At the mention of this Matt sighed, it wasn’t that he felt himself above stealing, he just- it was going to draw so much attention to themselves and keeping off the radar for Calder’s sake was getting increasingly difficult.

 

“Fine, but instead of a car just grab a bike?” The redhead grabbed Matt by the wrist and dragged him through the docks to the main street.

 

“We’ll take a fucking school bus if we have to! You think I didn’t see the look on your face when Killbane called, your mind isn’t even on him it’s on the giant ass goofball that thinks he can take him on!” Kinzie understood his urgency and for a brief moment they were connected in a friendship that could only be forged in panic and understanding.

 

There was someone she so desperately needed to see?

 

Matt lingered at the entrance to the Saints HQ, doubt knotted in his stomach and he couldn’t quite bring himself to follow Kinzie, when she realised he had not followed her she returned and stood in front of him.

 

“You can’t stay out here.”

 

“I’m not coming in, Killbane will want to see me and- look it was doomed from the start and I don’t even know how he feels about me!” The teen shoved his hands in his pockets trying to appear some degree of casual, but his hands trembled and he had to ball them up in his coat pockets just to stop them.

 

_Damn all this!_

_Everything that happens from this point will only bring hurt to someone and I can’t bear to see Calder, the look in his eyes, I don’t want to see him looking at me with hope in his eyes, because that small spark will destroy my resolve and if… it he dies I’m done._

He’d been staring at a spot on the floor for so long that when he looked up to Kinzie he was almost shocked to see her still stood in front of him, she was frowning, of course she was, he offered a sheepish smile.

 

“We’re not friends, so when I do this you will owe me for it.” Kinzie began, she sighed pulling her glasses off to clean them with the edge of her shirt she was stalling perhaps?

 

“Go. I’ll tell them I haven’t seen you.”

  
There was no moment between her last word and Matt turning on his heel to flee the area, he had to get to Killbane and continue as if he had never had his world turned upside down by the Saints Boss.

 

_Don’t speak his name, forget it ever existed, it doesn’t belong in your vocabulary._

He hitched a lift from a passing Decker who halted the car with a screech of breaks that jarred Matt from any thoughts, climbing in the car he pointed to the direction of the arena—Killbane was waiting and he had to make himself sound convincing.

 

Taking everything that happened and turning it in to anger was the only way for any of it to make sense to Matt, he had let this intense back and forth between himself and the Saints Boss go too far and it was making him soft.

 

He had been ruthless once.

 

And he would be again…


	13. Chapter Thirteen Fatal Attraction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is longer than the other chapters I think, and I hope you enjoy it.  
> Feedback is helpful. 
> 
> One more chapter and I'm done!
> 
> ...and strangely no smut. Sorry!

Chapter Thirteen- Fatal Attraction

 

Killbane was not always a patient man, everyone knew this, and most tried not to push him to the point where he would happily display his displeasure with his fists.

 

But Matt, the young cyber hacker was pushing it, he had not checked in with the aging wrestler for days and had the audacity to start ignoring his calls, it was becoming most suspicious. Enough so that he knew the first thing he had to do when Matt walked in was scare him to within an inch of his life as punishment for his rudeness and sudden secrecy.

 

As though thinking of him had summoned the youth, Matt came walking through the door with a few of his minions in tow. He seemed ill at ease a normal way to behave when one knew they had kicked a hornet’s nest, disturbed a sleeping lion, fucked up well and truly to the point of no return.

As soon as the door shut behind the young man Killbane was before him teeth bared white and gleaming under the strip lighting of the green room, breathing hard and his massive chest heaving as though the anger within him had manifest into something physical and whole and was trying to push itself out of him to freedom.

 

He seemed more animal than man, but Matt did not stop to ponder which animal it was, because no matter what he thought the pain that would be inflicted upon him would be great and he could not afford mere seconds for fanciful thoughts such as this.

 

Quickly as he could Matt lifted his hands in a slow surrender hoping the incensed man would calm somewhat.

 

Gun shots rang out in the hallway and Killbane tossed Matt out of his way and ripped the door off its hinges as he opened it.

 

“Oh, hi!” Matt’s stomach dropped, the sing song mocking tone of Calder echoed out and Killbane let out a roar like a wounded beast, dropping the door to the floor he turned his fiery gaze to Matt one huge hand lashed out and pointed at him.

 

“ _You_!” This was all he said as he turned his whole body to face the cyber goth, and sudden realisation rushed him and his eyes widen for not even half a second before he leaned down and dragged Matt to his feet by the front of his shirt.

 

The Brit was lifted right off his feet and he twisted in Killbane’s grip, the wrestler held him before Calder who stood with a slightly unhinged smile on his face, gun resting on his shoulder like it was naught but a stick.

 

“I haven’t heard from you lately, Saint. Perhaps this has been keeping you company, keeping you distracted?” The usually green Lycra clad man dropped Matt and he landed heavily on the floor, before he can get to his feet he is shoved back to the floor by one of Killbane’s booted feet.

 

The leather of the sole was pushing into his cheek, his jaw hurt and he felt as though it would crack and fall off if the other kept pressing his weight on it. Tears formed in his eyes and he tried to hold back the whimper caught in his throat, he was scared.

 

This is not what most 19 year olds did in their spare time!

 

_I’m going to die… I’m going to die… I don’t want to die I just want to go home!_

His nails scraped against the floor as he tried to find strength to push the bigger man off him but to no avail, he was too weedy to ever fend off a machine, a battle tank like Killbane, no matter how much he believed in himself.

 

There was no hope in him, even when he heard no words from Calder, but what could the saint have said to save him?

 

“Funny how silent you become when something that belongs to you is threatened, but what is that look in your eye, behind the madness?” The wrestler was speaking quietly, as he did so he rolled Matt on to his back with his foot and the cyber goth hazards a glance at the saint’s boss stood motionless gun still on his shoulder.

 

“You know; I only end up silent because when you talk you put me to fuckin’ sleep. It’s like listenin’ to Shakespeare!” This was not the time to antagonize such a brute and yet there he was, risking everyone’s life because he has to try and out sass the wrestler first before shooting him.

 

Of course, Calder would not shoot Killbane when he had Matt splayed out on the floor like a damn rug before him, one foot stamp away from crushing his skull in if he so much as took a step towards them both.

 

The gun was useless.

 

“You care for him. You’re terrified that I’ll off him like an ant beneath my boot and you cannot do a thing to stop me.” Matt’s eyes dart from Killbane to Calder, the redhead seemed relaxed, that infuriating smirk on his face as though things were going his way.

 

Did this mean that he didn’t care what happened to him?

 

Matt wondered if… if this had been his fault?

 

“Killbane, buddy- ya mind if I call ya buddy… whatever, we are just friends. I don’t even think we’re even friends.” Not a hitch in his throat as he said this, not a stutter, unflappable Calder stood cocksure of himself as always.

 

Matt’s heart thudded in his chest uncomfortably, stupid, stupid man!

 

This _was_ his fault, Matt knew this.

 

Calder took a moment to assess the situation at hand.

 

There was no way out of this, the noise in the arena behind him told him pretty quickly that all his saints were busy putting down the ‘roid rage beasts while taking fire themselves.

 

It was just Matt, himself and Killbane and right now Killbane held the upper hand.

 

With a heavy sigh Calder dropped the front he had meticulously built for the past 24 hours and let his shoulders drop.

 

“Don’t… hurt him. Just tell me what it is you want.”

 

“Calder… don’t!” Matt’s strangled voice died out as Killbane kicked him hard knocking the air out of his lungs.

 

“I see how it is, but I won’t let you play the martyr or the hero, you’ll go out like a coward.” The older male gestured to the gun in Calder’s hand and the saint’s boss gripped it with a sweating palm. He felt his blood run cold, his stomach churned and for the first time he felt true fear.

 

“You know what I want you to do. You die, Matt goes free and I run the city.”

 

But how could he be sure Matt would be safe?

 

Trying to hide his shaking hands he lifts the gun to his chin and closes his eyes, he doesn’t want to look at Matt, he can’t see the emotion in his eyes, he didn’t want this to be the last image he saw of Matt and he didn’t want to have to leave this act lying heavily on the teen’s shoulders.

 

“Let him go first.” The demand came with a short bark from his throat, no space for argument. Though his finger was already on the trigger, ready to squeeze and end all of this, a coward’s way out just as Killbane had wanted it.

 

Shaundi, Pierce, Oleg… they’d all live with the knowledge that he gave them over to Killbane to save one person’s life and he wasn’t so sure they’d understand a single bit of it. Of course they wouldn’t and he understood that completely.

 

Opening his eyes, he stared down the wrestler, hoping his eyes burnt holes in him.

 

The searing gaze Calder pinned Killbane with was nothing short of terrifying, and Matt half expected something to spontaneously combust at the heat of his anger.

 

“I can die a thousand times over and THE SAINTS WILL ALWAYS HOUND YOU. THEY’LL KEEP COMING BACK FOR YOU, YOU UGLY FUCKING SON OF A BITCH!”

 

One gunshot and the place was silenced, Matt scrambled to his feet, legs almost giving way in too much of a confused and panicking haze to wipe the spatters of blood off his face, he could barely breathe as he approached the silent redheaded figure.

 

“Jesus FUCKING Christ, boss. Do I have to save your ass every single fucking time?!” Shaundi griped as he stepped over the now prone figure of Killbane, blood seeping out of the back of his head staining the linoleum beneath his great hulking mass.

 

Matt could only laugh, he laughed and laughed as tears streamed down his face, Shaundi moved over and slung his arm over his shoulder as his legs finally gave out from the sheer relief of having survived such a fucked up stand-off.

 

“Yeah… well… thanks.” Calder couldn’t form a snarky reply; he couldn’t even move from the spot where he stood. Hands still shaking he dropped the gun and leaned against the wall, sweat beads running down the side of his face, so much intensity and yet he was still fucking standing.

 

Not a damn scratch on him.

 

Someone slapped him hard. Twice.

 

“You… ass. You utter ass!” Matt had found his legs again and was now raging, fuming at Calder both hands now clenched into fists and the saint’s boss feared for his life and his face.

 

“H-how… you’re an ass!” Turning quickly Matt stormed out of the arena followed by a swarm of Deckers that magically appeared after the battle had finished.

 

When the dust has settled, so to speak, and the remaining, surviving saints had rounded up the Luchadores Calder finally moved, with a frown he looked Shaundi up and down.

 

“You’re dressed like a decker.” His voice was quiet, he hadn’t felt this tired in years, his hands no longer shook but he felt weaker than he ever had before.

 

Shaundi shot him with a quick look and nodded.

 

“Like the plan.”

 

“Right…” He remembered that plan and he thought it had been scratched for a surprise attack, but it didn’t matter, all that mattered that this was fucking over and Killbane was dead.

 

Kneeling down beside the old wrestler he grimaced at the gunshot wound in the back of his head. Seeing him like this didn’t feel like a victory but maybe it was because he hadn’t pulling the trigger on the killing shot…

 

Or maybe it was because he hadn’t pulled the trigger on the killing shot when his gun was at his own head.

 

Who knew?


	14. The Means To An End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aftermath of Killbane's death.

Chapter Fourteen- The Means To An End

 

 

How long had it been?

 

How long had he wandered aimlessly not fearing cars careening past him, not fearing guns pointed at his head, how long had it been since he stopped worrying about dying?

 

It was long before the Saints hit Steelport, he knew that much, but after recent events, the feeling only intensified and it irritated him to no end that he knew there one was person causing this.

 

One person who had vanished off the face of the earth the moment Killbane’s life had been extinguished before his very eyes.

 

The only reminder Calder had that Matt had ever been around was a jacket that had been slung over the back of a chair in his room back at HQ, at first he hadn’t even noticed it was Matt’s until he went to throw it on and realised it was miles too small for him.

 

Only when he checked the item over did he realise that it was the young Brit’s.

 

What was someone meant to feel when gifted with this information?

 

 

It wasn’t a gift.

 

It would never be a gift to know that someone slipped through your fingers like sand, time didn’t stop for any one and it would never slow down for Calder.

 

Only renewed frustration raised in his chest, and his fists gripped tight the leather until it was just a misshapen lump in his hands.

 

Was he angry?

 

Why did it even matter now?

 

Steelport was quiet, Calder was back up there in the ranks of celebrity and the world adored their antics once again. But for most of them it wasn’t enough, for most of them… something had changed.

 

Fire had been extinguished and passion had fled.

 

They had nothing to fight for now, what they had fought to protect was theirs now and it was… peaceful.

 

Calder was just restless; following where his feet took him most days.

 

This particularly warm evening he ended up at one of Matt’s old gang houses, tricked out with speakers and tech that Calder had no hope of understanding.

 

He stood looking over what looked like a speaker but it came without any wires and no buttons, lost in thought to the point that he did not hear the footsteps from the other side of the room.

 

“It is strange to find you here…” Calder looked over his shoulder, Pierce stood, hands shoved in the pockets of his white suit pants, sunglasses on the top of his head giving Calder a soft look that didn’t quite fit his face.

 

“Did you come here to pity me?” The redhead snapped turning to fully face his friend, he wasn’t even sure why the fuck he was in one of Matt’s old hide-outs. There was nothing here of that kid now, kid… he was 19, young and he had so much of his life to live, things could change for him.

 

Calder hoped he had gone home, grabbed the first flight to London and left fucking Steelport for good, there was nothing here for anyone, not even the Saints. It was drudgery, stale and grey and anyone that stuck around the city for too long was destined to die there.

 

‘ _Good._ ’ Thought Calder. He’d already thought about ending his life, even if he ended up being known as a coward for the rest of time, what did it even matter now?

 

“Nah, man. Pity doesn’t suit any of us, but one of the boys saw you come in here and let me know. I just wanted… I don’t know what to say. Anythin’ I could say would only make ya mad.” Pierce was right, he could already feel his frustration brewing into a deep fury like a thunderstorm that no one deserved to be on the receiving end of.

 

“I know he isn’t coming back- that isn’t what bothers me. I can’t let this get the better of me but he left without even so much as a goodbye.” Love man. That was love and it could seriously fuck off out of his life right now because it hurt like a bitch.

 

Why was anyone subjected to such a thing, how could anyone like love?

 

So many people strived to reach that moment that was almost dizzying in its toxicity, it could bring a mountain down to rubble or freeze over an entire ocean. Why would you want that?

 

“I don’t know what to say, boss. People do things they can’t explain in the heat of the moment, he was just a kid and he saw a man die, he saw him get shot point blank in the back of the head. No one recovers from that with a smile. I just hope he isn’t dealin’ with it alone.”

 

Silence fell over them.

 

Calder brooded, thoughts wandering to that day;

 

Killbane’s eyes blank staring up at the ceiling while blood pooled around his head, sticky and dark and the smile of iron was stuck with Calder for hours afterwards. Shaundi had taken him by the arm and walked him to the exit doors at the end of the corridor. The sun was still cracking the pavements outside and he had been coaxed into taking a deep breath by Oleg who seemed to understand that he was going inward, internalising everything he had seen, said and done.

 

The unspoken question that hung on Shaundi’s lips was stark in his mind and it still whirred, he whispered out an answer that only she could hear.

 

“I don’t know why I did that- if we went back to that moment again and again I would still do it.” His lips and tongue felt cold as though the metal of the gun barrel was pressed in his mouth and he choked as he gasped for air moving to the side to throw up.

 

His stomach ached and tears stung his eyes as he wretched, nothing on his stomach to ease the nausea. Someone rubbed his back and he fought them off and began walking away from the arena. He heard his name called by several different voices but he didn’t look back.

 

 

Returning to the here and now Calder watched Pierce’s face, he studied him closely.

 

“Come on, man. Let’s get out of here. This place is just fucking you up and you do not need that right now.”

 

“Yeah, you’re right. Let’s get out of here. There is nothing here anymore.”

 

They drove back to HQ in silence, Calder stared out of the window the entire time but so lost in thought that the streets were merely a blur.

 

There had never been a time in his life where he ever thought this would be how he suffered the most. Someone had come into his life tore him apart and left again and it bothered him. It truly bothered him that this was what broke him, not the fact he had killed in cold blood, stole millions, destroyed a city… ruined people’s lives.

 

What hurt most was loving someone and having them not feel the same.

 

It was odd to truly feel this much for the first time, he had always considered his childhood to be normal, he went to school, graduated college, normal young man life events- he couldn’t even remember how he had joined a gang.

 

After graduating college with a major in English Lit he had fallen in with a bad crowd, joined their gang, sold drugs and carried a gun and through all of that he always knew he could walk out of that life and never return but he didn’t.

 

He was completely and utterly embroiled in gang life, what was a normal life to a man like him now?

 

Guns, drugs, blood… there was no space for love and a life in a quiet suburb with someone who wanted to take care of you as much as you want to take care of them. Oh, and how wrecked Calder felt when he realised he could not have that and part of him felt shame for even thinking he could have such a life.

 

Back at HQ no one bothered to make conversation with Calder, they merely watched their once charismatic and outgoing boss trudge up to his room, a shell of a man, so far removed was he from his former self that it was like looking at a ghost.

 

One person in the crowd stood calculating and quiet while other’s whispered or just plain gossiped about their boss.

 

Kinzie Kensington was going to do something about all of this.


	15. Weary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matt is home the only issue with this is Kinzie hounding him via all electronic devices and his parents dropping bombshells of information on him. He just wants a break.

Chapter Fifteen- Weary

 

England in May was an odd thing to experience, there was one week in that month when the sun would blaze like midsummer, then in the blink of an eye it could be snowing or hailing, raining with gales blowing umbrellas inside out, while people huddled together nursing sunburnt skin beneath jumpers and winter coats.

 

Matt had been lucky enough to have been granted his first week of freedom from his parents on the gloriously sunny Monday afternoon, after having been locked up and questioned to within an inch of his patience, it was a nice change to the stuffy Chelsea manor house that had been his prison for the past 2 weeks.

 

All in all, his parents had been pleased Matt had returned home, thankfully, they had not seen the mess he had left behind in America, the only thing that linked him to that place was plane tickets from a US airport to London Heathrow.

 

For now, he rested outside a café with his tea and laptop beneath a parasol saving him from the summer sun. A life so far removed from that of his gang days that he barely knew himself or what to do with the time he now had.

 

Someone walked by his table and the young hacker flinched, a habit he would have to grow out of, Matt knew he was safe here.

 

Well, safer.

 

Idly he typed away on his laptop, encrypting files should he need to leave his computer quickly for any sort of emergency, the screen went fuzzy for a split second before going fully black. Most out of character Matt tapped on the screen looking confused.

 

As he did this Kinzie’s face appeared lit by only her own computer screen and a very pathetic naked bulb hanging above her in what seemed to a… broom cupboard?

 

Before she said a word Matt grabbed his bag and yanked out a pair of headphones complete with tiny mic shoving the jack in the headphone space on his laptop, he must have looked a wreck at the sight of her because Kinzie could only giggle behind her hand for a moment.

 

“What are you doing on my computer?!” There was a thinly veiled panic in his screeching whisper, so far no one had noticed he was uncomfortable, for most it looked like a skype conversation… the only issue being that Matt could not hang up on this unwanted caller.

 

“Oh GOD, are you so stupid you don’t know how to hack into a laptop?”

 

“No- Kinzie, why are you contacting me, there is absolutely no reason for you to need to speak to me?”

 

“I know, I know. It’s just…” She sighed checking, what was likely the door, behind her before looking back to the screen.

 

“I wanted to talk to you about Calder.”

 

“No, absolutely not. That is a part of my life that is going to stay firmly in the past.”

 

“Are you for real, it has been like a month, and you are telling me you’re over him?”

 

“Over him, Kinzie you’re talking as if there was something between us-…” With the glare he received from her Matt could only fall silent, it wasn’t hate in her eyes, it looked more like hurt.

 

Of course it was hurt, Calder was her friend and if he was hurt she would be he assumed.

 

“Don’t fucking start up with that shit again, you two had something.”

 

“Uuuuh, Kinzie please stop. It clearly wasn’t meant to be if nothing happened between us.” The teenager sighed heavily rolling his eyes at the screen, they had kissed once or something but that was it, and most of the time Calder wouldn’t touch him.

 

How old was that guy anyway?

 

“Neither of you idiots gave it a chance, you can take relationships slow, you know?” There was a bite in her voice but Matt didn’t rise to it, instead he just closed the laptop and shoved it in his bag along with his headphones.

 

Downing his tea, he left the café to head home, his stomach felt like ice and his heart felt heavy. The day had begun so well and he had almost forgotten about Calder but now he was in the forefront of his mind and he ached to see him again.

 

Stupid Kinzie and her laptop hacking to talk to him.

 

The chiming of his phone pulled him from his thoughts, he answered it without a thought.

 

“I’m just saying that you should probably come see him. Just once to clear the air and give yourselves closure if you’re so insistent that there is nothing between you.”

 

“Dammit, Kinzie how did you get this number?!”

 

“You’re so young and so inexperienced. I used to work for the fucking FBI I am that good. I have my skills.”

 

“Yeah well… You are good. There is no denying that one. Kinzie, I don’t think I can see him. Not yet, I think… I think I was in love with him and that is dangerous.”

 

“Wow you are really just a kid.”

 

“How is being worried for my own damn safety the thoughts of a child, Kinzie?!” There was a long pause on the end of the phone, no sharp comeback to cut him off him this time.

 

A heavy sigh could be heard at the end of the phone.

“You’re right. So you won’t come back?”

 

“I will never step foot in the USA again. Now leave me alone!” Matt hung up angrily and climbed into the waiting car at the roadside.

 

His parents sat across from him in their car as the driver returned him to their home in Chelsea. Both had a mix of confusion and worry on their faces at the apparent anger their son displayed.

 

“Did something happen while you were out?” Matt’s mother, a soft and gentle woman, spoke first. Matt could only shake his head, while he never wanted to head back to America for as long as he lived, he did wish to see Calder again but… wasn’t he too young to feel such an intense love for someone?

 

Some would argue that love knew no age, age was but a number but Matt was sure that at times those words would be misconstrued and young men and women would end up in danger. Lifting his eyes to his mother he tried to convey what had happened without speaking but it did no good, she would have to know and so would his father.

 

“I came home from America because I did terrible things, I was caught up in gang wars and people died because of me. It wasn’t until I saw the person I cared for most holding a gun to his own head to save my life that I knew I couldn’t stay.” Matt hadn’t meant to just suddenly blurt out that he was technically a criminal in America, well at least not on the drive home.

 

Both his parent’s merely blinked for a moment in silence trying to process that their son Matthew was not a bright young thing with a wealth of innocence within him.

 

“Gang wars?” This was the first thing his father managed to say to him, but there was no outrage in his voice.

 

“A man risked his life so you could keep yours?” His mother mumbled still somewhat in a daze.

 

Matt only sat looking at his confused parents wondering why they weren’t screaming and shouting and telling him how awful a person he was for being involved in such things. Wringing his hands together the cyber goth could only remain silent until they processed all they had heard.

 

“When you say you cared for this man most… was that as a father figure or romantically?” Why this seemed to be the important question Matt was unsure but he shrugged and paused for a moment, trying to think of a way to explain that there had been several times he had wanted to sleep with Calder.

 

“Well, I loved him.” Not particularly elaborate in his reply but it was the truth, he had loved Calder, more than he would rightly admit to his family.

 

“So you’re gay?”

 

“Wha- no! What has this got to do with anything, didn’t you hear me when I said people had died, I was involved in gang warfare!” Out of the three he should have been the least furious, it occurred to him that perhaps that this was the statement they could process better than the fact he had killed people or at least been the reason people had died.

 

“Matthew, your father and I have always told you that we worked for the government, however you chose to interpret that was of your own mind but it is time we told you that we are not just some administration clerks filing papers for the DWP. We work for MI6… and I think it is time you did too.” Both his mother and father sat with hands folded on their laps, while the young cyber goth sat feeling somewhat out of the loop.

 

While Matt had not fully trusted his parents with certain aspects of his life, he had not ever gone and checked out their stories of where they were employed, after all working for the DWP seemed entirely plausible for the two. Both stuffy and suited most days and they were always home by 7pm at the latest.

 

It didn’t add up.

 

Then again nothing in his life made sense at the moment.

 

“We know exactly what you’ve been up to in America and we know exactly who this gang boss, you’ve spent so much time with, is.” Upon hearing this Matt felt his cheeks heat up and his gaze that had been so steady on his father as he spoke now slipped to his own hands on his lap.

 

“So… what happens now?”


	16. Leap Without Looking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Calder is on the knife edge between what is real and what is not.
> 
> The Saints can't do a thing if he won't let them help. 
> 
> But does this all end the way it should? 
> 
> (A more mature chapter so I'd rate it M for mature, ahaha whatever.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. 
> 
> This is the very last chapter and I hope you enjoyed this story as much as I enjoyed writing it. 
> 
> I am always open to write more Saints Row fic, it is one of my favourite games.
> 
> Hit me up any time for any ideas you may have. 
> 
> Thanks again for reading.

Chapter Sixteen- Leap Without Looking

 

 

Kinzie made sure Calder did not find out that she had contacted Matt from within the Saints HQ, while she knew he would never hurt her, it didn’t mean he couldn’t scare, not with anger but with how empty he seemed.

 

A vacant expression, dead eyes as he talked, cold as he carried on with their usual business within the city, he was most certainly not himself but no amount of telling him so seemed to change that about him.

 

Only receiving a mumbled “I’m fine.” Whenever the question was raised, after all what would he even say, how could he begin to find the words to convey something he did not fully understand himself.

 

Kinzie could see conflict in his eyes, a battle raging but she didn’t know what he was warring with internally.

 

As she exited the broom cupboard she walked right into the man her call was about, he didn’t even glance at her. It was the middle of the night well… 3:30am and Calder was likely not even truly awake as he trudged to his room battered and splattered with someone else’s blood.

 

Slipping down the stairs she caught Shaundi in the kitchen grabbing a drink, she looked pale and tired, late night jobs were not high on her list of fun.

 

“I know, I know, Kinzie.” Shaundi didn’t even look up at her as she spoke, she dumped coffee in the machine and made a whole pot, she offered a cup to Kinzie who accepted it with only a nod and not much else, after all, how did someone bring up their boss’s behaviour when he everyone already knew the issue and how to resolve it just not how to connect the two?

 

The next few days went by without incident… well as much as Calder showing up covered in blood or oil or gun powder could be classed as incident free.

 

Kinzie and Shaundi left him to his own devices for now, they wanted to see how long this could on for before he imploded and simply stopped working.

 

_You hate the way you are._

_The way that you feel now should never have been something another could pull from you, these emotions shouldn’t exist, Calder. Pull yourself together you miserable fucking moron, no matter where you go you will always look for him and never find him._

_It wasn’t worth it, buddy._

_He’s in every dark haired man you see, every leather clad person, ever faint strain of that fucking garbage techno music blaring from stray Deckers cars… he isn’t here and he won’t ever be._

_Stand up, walk tall and forget he even fucking existed because buddy, guy, pal you are fucked if you don’t._

His thoughts followed him everywhere.

 

From gang fights that left his ears ringing from the gun fire to the silent nights he spent lay staring at the ceiling of his bedroom. Each word taunted him in his own voice, borderline obsessed with the kid that made him feel.

 

Some days he’d see Killbane lying pale with vacant glazed eyes staring up at him instead of the body of a young street punk, other days it was Matt, more than once Calder spent his night in a bar drinking cheap whiskey until he was blackout drunk just to forget everything on his mind.

 

How many nights had he woke up gagging, gasping for air and achingly hard after dreaming of Matt shoving a gun into his mouth threatening to pull the trigger?

 

How many nights had he woken up wishing that he had?

 

When sleep eluded him he wandered Steelport gun in hand hoping that he couldn’t find a secluded spot to end it all, but even now he was a coward, he’d never do it, not to the saints… it wouldn’t be fair.

 

What was fair these days?

 

The HQ was empty when he got back, his whole being shook as he grabbed a beer from the fridge everyday something happened that had him question his sanity… how long before he admitted he was just outright crazy?

 

The world didn’t make any sense around him now. He saw things where there was nothing.

 

Calder downed his drink and moved to the fridge to grab another.

 

For a moment everything seemed so fucked that he couldn’t piece together a single coherent thought that didn’t somehow end with memories of Killbane goading him into ending his life to save Matt’s. He had to admit that at first he was unsure how he felt knowing that deep down he would have done it, just pulled the trigger without even so much as a ‘Thanks for everything’ to anyone. His reasons continued to change, his _reasoning_ continued to change.

 

Calder wasn’t even sure that he was doing it for Matt at this point.

 

“You look like maybe you need sleep not beer.”

 

That voice…

 

No. no, no, no.

 

_Calder you’ve finally gone and lost the last fucking shred of sanity you had!_

 

However many times he had seen Matt in other people, he had never once heard his voice. Not once heard that clear British accent that could either mock or caress with mere words…

 

Turning to the doors that led to the elevator there stood Matt- if he was really there.

 

Before Calder could even begin to think through what he was doing he pulled out his gun and pointed it at the young man across the room, all the while stalking closer his eyes narrowed waiting for some kind of sign that the kid was just an image that lived in his mind and not the real deal here to tear him up one last time for good fucking measure.

 

He froze in place when Matt flinched and took a step back, eyes wide and filled with fear, his expressive face already showing doubt, doubt that he should have come at all and that is how he knew. Calder knew it was him, visions didn’t shrink back at the sight of a gun, the visions of Matt in his head didn’t move and they didn’t react or show such emotion.

 

“You… you better have a good fuckin’ reason for showin’ up here without so much as a phone call to explain why the fuck you think it is ok to walk back in here like you were ever welcome!” Each word punctuated with red hot anger, his grip tightened on the gun in his hand to the point that it ached.

 

_Let the anger over ride the relief, Calder. Don’t let that little bitch back in, hold up the gun to his face and pull the damn trigger._

Finally, his feet started working again and he crowded Matt into a corner leaving him defenceless as he lifted his gun to the kid’s cheek letting the cool metal slide over his cheek bone and down to his lips, the gun slid easily in to this mouth.

 

Matt was too stunned to think why he had let Calder do this, why he’d let him put the glock in his mouth and even if he could speak he wouldn’t question it, his eyes wide for a moment before his brows knit together and he moaned around the brushed chrome of the gun shaft as Calder slid his free hand into Matt’s jeans stroking him slowly.

 

_What the fuck is this…_ Calder thought as he continued to tease and taunt the Brit popping the button on his jeans to gain better access to the now rigid length, how had this even happened?

 

Slowly he pulled the gun from Matt’s mouth, the teens lips were full and bruised as though bitten raw so tempting and rosy that begging open mouth… Leaning in Calder pressed a deep kiss to Matt’s lips, his tongue sweeping his lower lip prompting the young Brit to return the kiss.

The gun slipped from his hand to the floor, Calder forgot his anger and pressed the full length of his body against the other as kissed Matt, a moan caught in the teen’s throat tearing them apart momentarily.

 

“Calder…” words wouldn’t come and Matt trailed off breathless trying to search for words to explain why he was there, though… it seemed Calder already knew why he had shown up in the middle of the night.

 

“You don’t have to explain.” They weren’t quite in the realms of forgiveness but they were fairly close and Calder was pretty sure he would forgive Matt for anything if he kept rolling his hips the way he did.

 

“Fuck… Bedroom. Now.” Matt hastily made himself, somewhat, presentable should he meet anyone on the way to Calder’s bedroom before the Saints boss dragged him up the stairs and tossed the brit on to the bed.

 

Calder had not actually slept with another man before… but he’d just play it by ear and do things he knew he liked but try them out on Matt- he was absolutely sure Matt had not been with another person before.

 

Matt leaned against the headboard of the bed in Calder’s room watching the Saints boss eat him alive with hungry eyes, he shivered from the anticipation of being completely devoured by the redhead… he wanted this- he wanted it so badly that in a fit of overconfidence he moved forward and grabbed Calder by the front of the shirt and dragged him in to a needy kiss.

 

“Gods help me, Calder. If you don’t touch me right now I honestly believe I am going to punch you in the face.” The Brit whispered harshly against the other’s lips. Calder didn’t need any further instruction or indication that Matt wanted him as he smoothed his hands up the young man’s sides pushing his t shirt up and tugging the ends so that it slipped off over Matt’s head with ease.

 

One hand slid round to rest on Matt’s lower back holding him steady, while the other rolled one of Matt’s pale pink nipples between thumb and forefinger earning a wanton cry from the throat of the Brit who desperately rolled his hips against Calder’s thigh frantic for friction.

 

“Calder… I need you… I need more.” The breathy pleas coming from Matt made Calder’s head swim and he could only smirk triumphantly as he leaned in to press a bruising kiss to his lips once again.

 

“Matt, talk to me, tell me what you want.” Calder teased, his voice rough with need, all the while allowing Matt to straddle his lap watching him rise above him, lips parted, flushed cheeks and a body so open and wanting no shame to be seen on his face only the desire to please, the desire to be fucked.

 

“I… I want you, Calder. Please, don’t make me wait… haven’t I waited long enough?” His question enhanced with a whine as he bent down to press soft wanting kisses to Calder’s cheeks and lips, so sweet and restrained, he wasn’t sure how the teen managed but it deserved a reward.

 

“Perhaps, if you take these off I might just give you what you want.” Calder spoke lowly tugging at the waist band of Matt’s black jeans, the Brit pushed himself back off the redhead’s lap and wriggled out of the jeans tossing them aside without hesitation.

 

Calder took this opportunity to push Matt down on to his back against the soft bedding, one hand on his chest holding him in place the other hand snaking in to the teen’s underwear stroking him lazily, he really did enjoy teasing this punk- the flush on his cheeks was adorable.

 

“You like that, hmm, tell me what you want, beautiful.” The redhead urged, he knew Matt was already quite far gone, pre cum leaked from the head of his length coating Calder’s hand, he couldn’t tease him much longer…

 

“Fuck me… please…” His words came out in sharp breathless bouts only quieting when Calder covered his body with his and pressed a deep hungry kiss to his lips again.

 

“Oh, baby, I don’t think you’re ready for that yet.” Matt gave an indignant cry as though to protest but those protests soon died when Calder continued his ministrations.

 

The young Brit writhed against the bedspread eyes glassy as he looked up to Calder beseechingly.

 

“Pulling out all the stops tonight with those eyes… think you’re gunna win me over like that?” The redhead whispered, but he knew he couldn’t go all the way not when their emotions ran so high, he had already lived with enough regret in his life, he couldn’t let Matt endure the same.

 

“You don’t really know what you want, you beg me to fuck you but are you really ready for that, I had a gun in your mouth, my finger on the trigger you could have died…” Calder’s voice merely a rasping whisper as he spoke to Matt, the teen didn’t take in the words at that moment he didn’t care.

 

“I feel like I’m going to die now… please… Calder, we can talk about this seriously later. You’re killing me here!”

 

A huffing laugh escaped the Saints boss’ lips, he gestured for Matt to come to him, pulling him against his chest as he stroked him to completion, the trembling teen almost boneless in his arms and yet Calder didn’t let him go, he let the young man ride out his climax against him all the while Calder planted soft kisses to Matt’s neck and shoulders.

 

Such an intimate moment, it was all so new to the both of them.

 

Calder woke suddenly, light streamed in through the large windows on his right, he shifted slightly and someone groaned from beside him.

 

Matt sat up, his hair sticking out at odd angles, how cute looked still fighting off the last few tendrils of sleep…

 

_Welp, you’re in deep you stupid dickhead… There’s no going back- but do you want to?_

“So… we need to talk?”

 

“Yeah…”


End file.
